Broken (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)
by Imjustme15
Summary: Sometimes the prettiest faces hide the darkest secrets. Join Harry Styles as anorexia and self harm grip his mind and refuse to let him go...alive.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

143. Ew. That couldn't be right. Sure he had lost 17 pounds, but he was still so overweight. Harry sighed and stepped off the scale. He had been dieting for a little over a month now and he hadn't made any progress. Well, he was sort of dieting. Basically he only ate when he was forced to and if he didn't know the calorie content it was off limits. Sighing again, Harry reluctantly stripped to his boxers. He frowned at what he saw. Rolls of fat enveloped his once tight abs. His thighs were squished together in an uncomfortable fashion. His arms were squished up against the rolls on his stomach. Overall Harry just wished he could cut the fat off.

"Oi, Styles, hurry your fat arse up!" Niall joked, playfully.

Harry didn't take it as a joke though. He took it as confirmation that what he was doing was right.

"Coming," Harry called back.

Slipping his jeans and shirt on Harry headed out the bathroom and into the living room of his and Louis' flat.

Niall smiled when he saw him, "finally you're finished. And here I thought Zayn was the vain one."

"He is mate," Harry chuckled, "by the way, what are you doing here?"

Niall's eyes widened in shock, "you don't know what today is?"

Harry shook his head slowly and Niall looked like he was about to burst.

"Today," Niall began, "is Liam's birthday. We've had a suprise party planned at your flat for nearly two months now."

"Oh," was all Harry could manage.

How had he forgotten? Oh, that's right, for the last month and a half he had been to obssessed with losing weigh and counting calories to remember anything else. He felt a pang of guiltiness at the fact that he had forgotten one of his best friends birthdays.

"Anybody home in there?" Niall asked, gently poking Harry in the head.

Harry smiled weakly, "m'here."

"Good," Niall smiled in return, "we have three hours until the boys get here. Let's start decorating."

"Where's Louis?" Harry asked, picking up a roll of streamers.

"He and Zayn went to take Liam out to a special birthday breakfast and movie." Niall replied, while blowing up a balloon.

"Sounds a bit like a date," Harry laughed.

"Exactly what I said mate, but the boys were adament that it was normal," Niall laughed back.

Over the course of the next three hours Harry hung more streamers and blew up more balloons than he thought was humanly possible. By the time three hours were over with he was hungry and more than a little dizzy, but Harry brushed it off when Niall had seen him stumble backwards, claiming he was just a little winded from all the balloons he had been forced to blow up. Niall looked at him a little uneasily, but dropped the subject.

"Harry!" Niall shouted, excitedly, "I see them coming!"

"Ok, Ni calm down," Harry said.

Niall responded to this by beginning to jump up and down, while squealing like a little girl. Harry laughed softly and turned the lights off in the flat. A moment later the door handle was being turned and a group of people walked in.

Harry turned the light on.

"Suprise!" He and Niall shouted.

The looked towards the door and saw Liam standing in the doorway, his eyes shining. Behind him Louis and Zayn smiled and put their thumbs up in approval.

"Happy birthday Liam!" Niall exclaimed, rushing forward to hug Liam.

Liam beamed, "thanks Nialler!"

Harry, Louis, and Zayn gave each other a knowing look before going and wishing their friend a happy birthday.

"I'm suprised you are'nt home with your family Liam," Harry said, "not that I'm not happy to have you."

"The thought hadn't even crossed my mind," Liam replied, "I decided to spend my actual birthday with you lads and go to see my family tomorrow."

"Okay," Niall began, "enough chit-chat. I'm hungry. Louis did you remember the food?"

Louis held up two large bags and Niall's smile grew, if it was possible, even wider. He grabbed the bags from Louis and set them on the counter, already beginning to take the food out of them. Once all the food was out the boys lined up, oldest to youngest with Liam in front, to get their food. Harry stayed back and, at first, no one questioned it since he was the youngest of the group. Louis, however, soon noticed.

"Aren't you going to eat Haz?" He asked, concerned.

Harry shook his head, " 'm still full from breakfast."

"But, you didn't eat breakfast," Niall butted in.

Harry gritted his teeth, "before you were here, Niall."

"That doesn't add up Haz," Louis said, softly, "Niall got here just before I left and I hadn't see you go into the kitchen at all. Be honest Haz, are you sick?"

"No," Harry murmmured, only then realizing what a good cover up tha would have been, "I'm just not hungry."

"Harry," Louis said, tears forming in his eyes, "it's obvious you've lost weight. Are you on some sort of diet? You don't need to be. You're perfect they way you are or were."

"I'm not on a bloody diet!" Harry shouted, anger filling his veins, "why can't you accept that sometim I'm not hungry? Not everyone on the planet has a bottomless stomach, like Niall."

Niall flushed pink and Louis nodded, "I understand that Harry, but-"

"No buts," Harry stated, "I'm going for a run."

Before Louis, or any of the other boys, could stop him he has grabbed his phone and left the flat


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Harry wasn't sure how long he ran for. All he knew was that, when he returned to the flat, all the food was gone-Thank God- and the presents had been opened. The boys were all sitting around the tv playing video games. They were acting as if nothing had happened, but Harry knew better. The way Louis continued to wipe his cheeks and the way Liam shakily held the controller was proof that they were still, very much, shaken up by the confrontation earlier.

"I thought I was the one who cried easily, lou," Harry joked.

All the boys turned so fast that Harry was shocked they didn't have whiplash.

"Harry!" Louis cried, happily, "I am so sorry about earlier. I was being so silly. I mean the thought of you having an eating disorder is ridiculous, you're a guy."

"Y-yeah," Harry stuttered uneasily, "I'm a g-guy."

Sensing that the tension was, once again, getting thick Zayn butted it.

"Vas happening?" He smirked.

The boys all began laughing and spent the rest of the day playing video games and eating junk food, except for Harry of course. As the clock hit 6 the boys said their goodbyes and left to their own flats for the evening.

"Now that we're alone," Louis said, "care for a beer, curly?"

Harry shook his head, "actually, I think I'm just going go have a shower and the go to bed. I'm pretty tired from my run."

"Alright, if you're sure," Louis frowned.

"Yeah," Harry said, "I'm sure. Goodnight Lou."

"Goodnight Curly."

With that Harry strode into the bathroom, grimacing as he saw his reflection, and quickly entered te shower. He showered quickly and walked into his room, with a towel covering his waist. He put on a new pair of boxers, but didn't go to bed. Closing his door he grabbed his mat out from under his bed. He took his workout list off his dresser:

500 jumping jacks

350 crunches

150 sit ups

150 pushups

100 squats and lunges (each leg)

high knees for 20 minutes

The list went on, but you get the basics. Two hours later Harry was drenched in sweat. He mentally slapped himself for showering earlier. He considered taking another shower until he attempted to stand up and dropped to his knees with dizziness. Groaning as he stood up a second time, much more carefully than the first, he barely made it to his bed before he collapsed onto it and fell into a much needed sleep.

***2 weeks later***

"Hurry up, Haz," Louis complained from outside the bathroom door, "we're going to be late for our flight to have ten minutes before I bust that door down and drag you out."

"Coming," Harry said, quickly stepping off the scale.

The number on the scale was slowly getting better and that pleased him, until he looked in the mirror that is. The scale had told him he was 137 pounds, but the mirror told him that he was still 160 if not heavier. He didn't know which to believe. That was the problem with this disease, not that he had a disease. It let you have a rush of victory on the scale, but then brings you back to reality with the mirror. And the reality for Harry was, he was a whale. At least that's what he saw.

With tears pricking his eyes he searched for his trusty razor. He wasn't sure when the blade of his razor became his best friend, but he thought that it was probably when the voice started. The voice that told him he was fat and useless. The voice that told him he would only ever be loved if he was thin. The voice that promised to make him perfect.

The tears were falling freely and he slipped off his trousers and pressed the blade, roughly, against his skin. Within seconds beads of blood were dripping down his leg. He could feel a little of the pressure inside of him being released, just enough that he felt he wouldn't explode with emotion, at least that day. He made four more, slightly deep, cuts on his thigh before putting the blade in his secret spot and putting toilet paper on his leg to stop the smiled as he saw the sickenly beautiful cuts on his thigh. His hands ran over the many scars on his thighs before he, finally, slipped into his trousers and exited the bathroom in order to leave for their tour in America. Who knew what that was going to bring.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The plane ride to America was uneventful, except for Niall and Liam falling asleep on each others shoulders with their arms wrapped around one another's shoulders. The boys made sure to photograph it for later embarrassment. Harry, who was sitting next to Louis, groaned as the older boy rambled on about how great the tour was. All Harry cared about was getting a few more hours of sleep and, somehow, he managed to do just that. They landed all to quickly in Harry's opinion.

"Wake up curly," Louis said, shaking him gently.

"Sleep," Harry mumbled.

"Okay," Louis sighed, "I guess you're going back to England. Bye Haz."

That got Harry's attention. Opening his eyes he stood up quickly, too quickly. For a fleeting moment Harry was enveloped in darkness, but it passed as quickly as it came. He looked at Louis, who smiled, obviously not noticing his best friends dizziness. Good, Harry thought, the less he notices the better. Louis began walking off the plane and Harry followed quietly.

Once situated at the hotel Niall began complaining of hunger. The other boys chuckled and decided that it was about time for dinner. They were leaving Louis and Harry's hotel room when Louis noticed Harry wasn't following. He was putting his trainers on.

"What are you doing Haz?" Louis asked.

"Oh," Harry replied, "I'm not really hungry. I think I'm going to head down to the gym."

"But you didn't eat this morning and you didn't eat on the plane," Louis said, concern radiating off of him.

"I'm just not hungry Lou," Harry said, "can't you just accept that? I promise I'll eat when I'm hungry."

No you won't, the voice told him, you're going to fast for a week and after that you'll have no more than two hundred calories a day. Any more and you'll have to purge. Yes ma'am, harry sighed. He didn't know why he assumed the voice was a girl, but it reminded him of one so that was that.

"Harry," Louis said, snapping Harry out of his thoughts, "do you promise me that the second you get hungry you will go and eat?"

"Promise," Harry smiled, albeit a little uneasily.

Louis sighed, "alright. I guess we'll see you later. Don't work out to hard at the gym, you know, since you haven't eaten."

"I won't," Harry lied.

Louis still looked a bit unsure, but left the room as soon as Niall began whining about starving to death. If he only knew, Harry sighed and finished lacing up his trainers. He left the room, walking briskly down the hall to the elevator. Take the stairs, you need to burn the calories. Harry groaned as he walked towards the stairs. Why did they have to be on the 8th floor again? When he reached the gym he looked at all the equipment, before finally selecting the treadmill. He ran for two hours straight, how he didn't know. Oh, that's right because the voice had told him to and every time Harry pleaded with it to let him stop the voice had added five minutes. It was originally only supposed to be an hour, but 12 complaints later here he was.

Stepping off the treadmill the all to familiar wave of dizziness hit Harry. He held on to the treadmill until the dizziness passed. What next? The stair master is a great way to burn calories and get rid of some of your disgusting fat. Well, that settled it. Harry walked towards the stair master and climbed on. Another hour and a half later Harry was drenched in sweat and his stomach sounded similar to a dying whale. Walking towards the stairs Harry passed the dining hall. Please ma'am, didn't I work hard enough for some dinner? No, the voice sneered, if you eat you will ruin all our hard work. If you eat no one will ever love you. If you eat you will never be perfect. Is that what you want, to be a fat and useless blob for the rest of your life? No, I want to be perfect. Harry could practically see the voice smiling. Walking past the dining hall Harry jogged up the stairs, trying to keep from passing out as he did so. He opened the door and was instantly interrogated.

"Where have you been?" Louis shrieked, "It's been three and a half hours. You can't work out like that without eating and even then it's too much."

"Lou," Harry said calmly, "I did eat. I just got back from the dining hall."

"But, you didn't have your wallet," Louis protested.

"I slipped some money in my pocket before I left," Harry explained, his palms beginning to get sweaty.

"Oh," was all Louis could manage, "that's good then. I was getting worried about you, but now I see I was being silly."

Harry nodded, "yes you were. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to take a shower."

"I do believe my nose and I would appreciate that," Louis laughed.

Harry let a small chuckle escape his lips, before entering the bathroom and showering quickly. He looked in the mirror and shuddered silently. Looking away he grabbed his pajamas, now that he wasn't in his own room he couldn't risk Louis noticing his cuts or weight loss, and dressed. He slipped out of the bathroom and into his bed.

"You're going to sleep already?" Louis asked, incredulously.

" 'M tired," Harry mumbled into his pillow.

"Alright," Louis chuckled, "night Haz."

"Night Lou," Harry managed to get out before he was whisked away by the sand man.

***The Next Day***

"You're looking a little pale, Harry," Lou commented as she did his hair for their signing.

"I'm just tired," Harry said.

"If you're sure," she replied, "I'm finished with your hair so go get changed."

"I'm sure," Harry said, "and thanks Lou."

Lou smiled and motioned for him to get dressed. They were doing things backwards today, hair first clothes second. Harry walked into the room that the boys were sharing to get dressed. All the other boys were in the process of changing, so Harry quietly grabbed his outfit and walked into the bathroom. He dressed quickly, avoiding the mirror, but soon found that his pants were to loose. He would need a belt. Holding his pants with one hand, he opened the door.

"Niall," he hissed.

"What's up Harry?" Niall asked, walking over to the bathroom.

"I, erm, need a belt," he said weakly.

"I don't think the lady that chose our outfits wanted us to wear belts," Niall replied, "why do you need one, mate?"

"My trousers are too loose," Harry said uneasily.

"Oh," Niall mumbled, "well I'll go get Lou and see if she can help."

Harry watched Niall, with no shirt on, rush out of the room to find Lou. A moment later he returned with Lou right on his heel. With Harry's permission, she stepped into the bathroom.

"What seems to be the problem?" She asked kindly.

"My trousers are to loose," he repeated.

"May I see?" She asked cautiously.

Harry bit his lip, but nodded. Lou grabbed the top of his jeans and noticed that there was a gap about the size of harry's fist between Harry's waist and the trousers.

"Oh my goodness," Lou said, concern showing on her face, "Harry this is the same size you always wear. You've obviously lost weight. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes," Harry choked out, "I'm fine, just haven't been as hungry lately."

"Alright," Lou said, looking sceptical, "I'll see if I can find you a belt, but Harry if something is wrong promise you'll tell me?"

" 'Course I will."

You liar. You know you won't tell her. I won't let you. Shut up, Harry sneered. You know it's true. I know.

"Here you go Harry," Lou said, handing him a belt.

How long had he been zoned out? He never knew with the voice, sometimes it seemed like minutes and it was hours. Sometimes it was the other way around.

"Harry?"

"What-oh thanks Lou," Harry smiled.

He slipped the belt on, putting it in the second to last hole.

"Alright boys," Paul, their manager, said, "time to go into the other room for the signing."

All the boys smiled, except Harry. He followed the other boys in silence. He wasn't sure what was wrong with him. He was just so tired these days. He sighed, but followed the boys into the room where the signing was being held. Sitting down he watched as the girls rushed in, all giggling and smiling. Any other time he would have found it so sweet that these girls loved them that much, but today it was all just noise adding to his growing headache. He managed to make it through the signing, although he was pretty sure everyone knew he wasn't his typical flirty self. Once the signing was over all the boys headed back into the dressing room. They changed together, Harry being in the bathroom again, and then headed out to the van.

"I'm hungry!" Niall whined.

"I'm actually feeling hungry myself, mate," Louis agreed.

Liam and Zayn mumbled their agreements, which left Harry.

"Well Harry," Paul stated, "you want to go with the other boys and eat or do you want me to drop you off at the hotel?"

"Just drop me-"

"He's coming with us," Louis said firmly, "he's going to eat."

Paul looked confused, but nodded, "alright boys, where are we eating today?"

"Mcdonald's!" Niall said, hopefully.

The three other boys nodded, saying, 'that sounds good'. Harry kept his eyes on the floor. His palms were beginning to get sweaty. This was only the third day of his fast. He had four more to go. He couldn't disappoint the voice. Speaking of the voice, he really should name it. Hmm, he had read a lot of people called their voice Ana. That was that, he couldn't disappoint Ana.

"You coming, mate?" Liam asked.

Harry swallowed and nodded. He followed the boys into Mcdonald's. It was fairly empty, only a few older couples scattered here or there. No one was in line. The four boys all placed their orders and, when it came to Harry's turn, he hesitated.

"Um, I'll just have a diet coke," Harry said.

"But Haz you need to eat something," Louis protested.

"Yeah, mate," Liam agreed, "you really need to eat."

"My stomach feels a little funny," Harry protested, "I'll eat once it calms down."

The boys gave up, not wanting to start an arguement.

Paul gave Harry a sypmathetic look, "you sure you don't want me to take you to the hotel real quick? You are looking quite pale."

"I'm fine Paul," Harry said.

Paul nodded and followed the boys as they grabbed their food. Louis handed Harry his diet coke and they sat down at a nearby table. As the boys unwrapped their hamburgers and french fries Harry's stomach betrayed him, letting out a loud whine.

"Sounds like someone's hungry," Louis laughed, "come on Haz let's go get you some food."

"I'm not hungry," Harry argued, "my stomach is just gurgling because I don't feel good."

"Oh," Louis looked down, "I'm sorry Haz I shouldn't have made you come."

"It's really okay," Harry smiled, "I feel like I haven't seen you guys in forever."

"That's because you been living in your bedroom and the gym," Zayn laughed.

"Just trying to stay in shape," Harry said.

"Yeah, but are you sure it's healthy to be at the gym for almost 4 hours?" Louis asked.

"4 hours!?" Paul gasped, "Harry are you sure you aren't overdoing it?"

"I'm sure," Harry said, "I'm fine, really."

"Are you sure mate?" Zayn asked, "You've obviously lost weight and-"

"Shut the hell up and listen to me!" Harry yelled, "I am freaking fine! You guys need to just leave me the hell alone."

With that he stood up and began walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Niall asked, eyes still wide from what had just happened.

"I'm going to walk to the hotel," Harry spat, "and when I get there I'm going to the gym."

As soon as he spoke those words he walked quickly out the door and to the hotel, but not without being mobbed a few times by fans of course.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry collapsed on his bed, four hours later. He was breathing hard and his heart was racing. After composing himself he looked around the room and realized, Louis was nowhere to be found. Glad that he was alone Harry grabbed a pair of clothes, and his blade, before proceeding into the bathroom to take his shower. He finished his shower and slipped his boxers and a shirt on. He sat on the edge of the tub and let his thoughts and his blade take over.

Worthless

He slashed his skin with the blade.

Ugly

Another cut.

Fat

A third cut.

This went on until he had seven new cuts, adding to his already cluttered skin. He sighed, contentedly, and stopped the blood. Harry could hear Louis entering the room and slipped into his pants quickly. He finished putting on his belt and slipped the blade into his pocket. Walking out of the room he saw Louis sitting on his bed, tears falling down his cheeks.

"You okay, Lou?" Harry asked, gently.

Louis must have been deep in thought because he jumped at the sudden words, " I'm just worried about you Haz."

"Oh," Harry muttered, his anger returning, "how about we change the subject."

Louis seemed to notice that it really wasn't a question. It was a command.

"We have to leave for the concert in a little less the a half an hour."

Harry nodded, happy that the subject was off of him.

"Haz?" Louis asked, hesitating slightly.

"Hmm?" Harry replied.

"You will tell us, right?" Louis continued, "If something is wrong, I mean."

Harry gritted his teeth and muttered a quick, "of course," before slipping his headphones out of his suitcase and putting them into his ears.

"Haz?"

No response.

"Haz!"

Still nothing.

"Haz if you don't get your fat arse up now I'm going to tell everyone that you're gay in the next interview!"

Harry stuck his tongue out at Louis, but slipped his headphones and phone into his pocket. He got up slowly, attempting to decrease the dizziness. It helped, some. He looked at Louis, who was now laughing hysterically, and raised an eyebrow.

"Care to let me in on the joke?" Harry asked.

"What are you pregnant or something?" Louis managed before laughing again.

"Why do you ask that?" Harry asked, amused.

"The way you got up from the bed. You got up so slowly and carefully it was hilarious."

"Well," Harry frowned, "excuse me from trying to decrease the dizziness when I stand up."

Louis stopped laughing, "dizziness? Harry, you never told me you've been getting dizzy. How long has this been going on?"

You idiot! Now he's going to find out and take me away from you. You're going to become even more of a fat cow and no one will ever love you. I'm sorry Ana, what do I do? Brush it off. Change the subject. Flat out lie. Do whatever you have to. Yes Ana.

"Harry?"

"Louis it's just a bit of dizziness it's no big deal."

"Harry it is a big de-"

Before Louis could finish the door burst open revealing Liam, Zayn, and Niall.

"Come on you too. Paul's getting frustrated, we need to leave for the concert," Liam said.

"Sorry Lou can we talk later? Great," Harry smiled, taking off after the other boys.

***At the concert***

The first thing Harry noticed when he walked in their dressing room was the scale shoved up against the wall. He looked around to see if the other boys were watching him. Liam and Niall were already changing, sneaking glances at one another here and there. Louis was whining to Zayn that he wanted to wear suspenders that night, but that wasn't part of his outfit. Zayn was shaking his head at Louis and was facing away from Harry. Do it now before they know what you are doing. Harry checked the room one more time before picking up the scale and walking into the bathroom. Stripping down to his boxers, so he could get a more realistic weight, Harry nervously stepped on the scale.

131.

Harry smiled. In the last week he'd lost 6 pounds. Feeling brave, he took a quick glance in the mirror. Looking over his features, he screwed up his face in disgust. The only positive thing about his image was that his collarbones were definitely becoming more prominent. Other than that, though, he looked horrible. No wonder I don't have a girlfriend. Who would love a fat lard like me? Sighing, with obvious frustration, he redressed and walked out of the bathroom. He dropped the scale back in its place and grabbed his stage clothes off the rack, noting they were now a smaller size. As he looked over at the other boys, laughing and singing goofily, he had only one thought; this is going to be a long night.

***After the concert***

"Wasn't that great!"

"I know we have the best fans ever!"

"That was awesome!"

All the boys were jumping around and goofing off, obviously happy with the way the concert turned out. Harry stayed back a little. He had been running and jumping the entire concert and he was tired. He felt shaky and light-headed. Basically, he felt like crap and the boys were not helping. After a few a while Louis seemed to notice Harry's distant behavior.

"You alright, Haz?"

"I'm fine, Lou," Harry said, "just tired."

"Are you sure Harry?" Louis asked, "You're awfully pale."

"I said I'm fine Louis," Harry groaned, "please just accept that."

Louis just nodded, unsure of what to say. Instead he decided to go back over to the clothes rack and change back into his comfier clothes. Harry grabbed his clothes from the couch and walked into the bathroom. He avoided the mirror and changed quickly. Once he was done he walked over to the clothes rack and hung his stage clothes on it.

"Harry?"

"Yes?" Harry asked, turning to face Liam.

"I was just wondering," Liam mumbled, "why you're always changing in the bathroom. You never used to do that before."

"I guess I'm losing my love of being undressed, especially around other people."

It wasn't a lie. The thought of being undressed in front of his toned band members made Harry want to puke. Even when he was alone he didn't like being naked. It just meant that he could see all of his disgusting fat. He tried to keep covered as much as possible. Suddenly, he was jerked out of his thoughts by someone tapping him on the shoulder. He looked over and saw Paul standing behing him.

"Alright Harry?" He asked.

"I'm fine," Harry sighed, "why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"You're just looking a little pale these days," Paul said, "you will tell us if something is wrong?"

"Of course," Harry lied, for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"Good," Paul smiled, "now it's time to go. We have to be on the bus for the next city tomorrow at 6 a.m."

Harry nodded and followed Paul out the door and into the van.

PLEASE READ! IMPORTANT MESSAGE!

Hi readers! Just wanted to let you know that in the next chapter there will be a large time gap. I'm going to go two months ahead because I really want to get to the point where Harry's anorexia is becoming a big problem and where the symptoms have appeared more. In this chapter, according to BMI calculators, Harry is still at a healthy weight. In the next chapter he will be underweight and all the symptoms will be there full swing. If you have any problems with this please leave a comment and I will do a book that will basically be the chapters about what happened during those two months. I would be happy to do that for anyone who is interested. If requested it will be under a different title. It will be under the title Two Months of Hell, that is if it is requested. Please request if interested. Thanks for reading. Bye jellybean's.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

***2 Months Later***

Harry stepped off the scale with a slight smile on his face. He had finally gotten under 110 pounds. He was officially 107. He still had a long way to go, but at least he was making progress. Harry shivered as he pushed the scale back in its spot in his bathroom. Why was it always so cold? He didn't know. They were back home after a fairly short tour and he swore that the flat was freezing. Of course, Louis disagreed, saying that it was just as warm as usual. Either way Harry had put a small heater in his room and had it going almost looked in the mirror, noting that the cuts on his stomach were getting slightly red. He had run out of room on his thighs and the cuts had made their way up his hips and onto his stomach. Sighing, he slipped his trousers on. He took his belt, which he had had to add holes to make it fit, and slipped it into the last hole. Then he grabbed his short sleeve shirt and slipped it on, following it with a long sleeve shirt and a sweatshirt. He was still slightly cold, but it would have to do. He walked out of the bathroom and saw Louis eating a bowl of cereal. There was another bowl next to his.

"Hungry today Lou?" Harry laughed.

"What?" Louis questioned, "Oh you mean the cereal? No, that's for you."

Harry visibly paled, if that was possible. He had been so pale lately.

"I'm actually about to head to the gym," Harry said, "I'll stop and get something to eat on the way home."

"Why don't you eat something now and then eat again when you get home?" Louis asked, "It would do you good, really. You could stand to gain some weight."

"I don't want to eat right before a workout, it's not healthy," Harry said, "and don't give me crap about needing to gain weight, if anything I could stand to lose some."

Seeing Louis' shocked expression, Harry didn't wait for a response as he slipped his keys into his pocket and walked out the door. You idiot! Now he's going to think something is wrong. You never tell someone you think you're fat! I'm sorry Ana, I'm just so tired that it slipped. Well, don't come crying to me when they put you in a hospital and force you to become a fat pig again, even more so than you are now. Harry pushed the voice and thoughts to the back of his head and drove to the gym. He got there twenty minutes later and headed inside. He had always liked the gym, there usually weren't a lot of people swarming him asking for autographs. People at the gym were too focused on working out to worry about him. Walking in he was greeted by the familar trainers and then he set off to the stair master.

***Meanwhile At Harry And Louis' Flat***

Louis opened the door and greeted the three boys.

"So, what exactly did you call us here for?" Liam asked, once they were all situated in the couch.

"I'm worried about Harry," Louis frowned.

"Why mate?" Niall asked, confused.

"Because he isn't eating, he's pale, he's always cold, he has obviously lost A LOT of weight, he's always tired, and I keep seeing him stumble backwards when he stands up," Louis said.

Liam's eyes widened, "you mean he still isn't eating? I thought he just had a bad case of the stomach bug."

"Liam that was two months ago, I'm pretty sure stomach bugs don't last two months," Zayn said.

"I knew he had lost weight, but I didn't think it was anything serious," Niall mumbled.

"Well, he barely eats," Louis said, still frowning, "the last time I saw him eat was 4 days ago and all he ate was a handful of carrot sticks."

"Did anyone else notice how he never changes in front of us anymore?" Zayn asked, "it's like there is something he doesn't want us to see."

"I did notice that," Liam sighed, "maybe it's so we don't realize how skinny he is?"

"We don't know how skinny he is," Louis muttered, "he always has at least three layers on. Plus he doesn't know he's skinny."

"How do you know that Louis?" Niall asked.

"I told him it would be good if he gained some weight, but he disagreed saying that, if anything, he could stand to lose some."

"And when was this?" Liam asked.

"This morning," Louis answered.

"What should we do?" Zayn asked.

"I think we should make a list of his symptoms and bring them to Paul," Liam said, "we can go from there."

Louis grabbed a pad of paper and a pencil and sat back down in his chair.

"Ok," he said, "what's first?"

"He is always cold," Liam said.

Always cold

"He's lost a lot of weight and he looks sick," Zayn said.

Extreme weight loss- looks ill

"He's never hungry," Niall said.

Never hungry

"He's always tired," Louis mumbled.

Always tired

This went on until they had a full list:

Always cold

Extreme weight loss- looks ill

Never hungry

Always tired

Easily agitated

Thinks he's fat

Depressed

Bluish finger nails

Extremely pale

Angry whenever asked about food

Weighs himself everyday

Exercises for 4+ hours a day

"Is that it?" Niall asked, eyes wide.

"Does anyone else think curly's hair isn't quite as curly and thick lately?" Zayn asked.

"Yeah," Louis nodded, "I've noticed. Whenever he takes a shower there's always a lot of hair in the drain."

"Write it down then," Liam said.

Thinning hair

"So, boys now that we've discussed a plan and know what our next step is," Louis smiled, "how about some video games?"

All the boys agreed and we put a game into the console. Louis went into the kitchen and grabbed bags of crisps and cans of soda. He passed them out and plopped onto the couch, trying to clear his thoughts of Harry.

***1 Hour Later***

Harry opened the door and entered the flat. He held onto the door frame for support. His chest was hurting and it felt like his heart was racing. He felt dizzy and weak, but he stood his ground. Almost instantaneously four heads turned to meet his eyes. Liam looked at Harry with obvious concern in his eyes.

"Are you alright Harry?" he asked, "You look awful weak."

"I'm fine," Harry mumbled, "just overdid it is all."

"Aren't you hot, mate?" Niall asked, "Louis has the temperature up like a sauna in here."

"Are you crazy?" Harry asked, "It's freezing in here. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to take a shower."

He didn't wait for a reply. Instead he stumbled up the stairs, on wobbly legs.

"Well," Louis said, "what do you think?"

"I think," Liam said, "that something is seriously wrong with Harry."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Hurry up Louis," Harry called, "Paul and everyone are waiting for us."

"Ugh," Louis said, walking into the room, "I thought we were on vacation. Why do we have to do a bloody signing?"

"I thought you loved signings," Harry said, "you always love talking to the fans."

"I know, but I'm really tired," Louis mumbled, "I had trouble sleeping last night."

"That explains the bags under your eyes," Harry smiled.

Louis just glared at him. A second later there was a loud knocking on the door. The boys opened it, only to find an angry looking Paul.

"Are you two ready yet?" He muttered, "we're already late as it is."

The boys mumbled apologizes and followed Paul to the van. The drive to the signing was quiet. Louis, Zayn, Niall, and Liam were whispering their plan to talk to Paul. Harry had his headphones in and was looking out the window. Soon they arrived at the building where the signing was taking place. They walked through the crowd of fans and made their way to their temporary dressing room. They all proceeded to grab their clothes off the rack and get changed, Harry had of course gone into the bathroom. Once they were changed they took turns getting their hair and make up done. Why they had to wear make up for a simple signing was beyond them.

"Your turn Harry," Lou called, cheerfully.

"Hello Lou," Harry said, sleepily.

"Hello Harry," Lou said.

She took a look at him and frowned, "are you feeling alright? You are awful pale and you look extremely thin."

"I-I'm fine," Harry stuttered, "j-just tired a-and cold."

Lou frowned, "cold? But it's really warm in here and you have a jumper on."

"Lou I really don't want to fight," Harry sighed.

"Alright you win," Lou said defeated.

She brushed out his hair, noting the fact that quite a bit of his hair went into the brush. She also noticed that his hair was thinner and obviously brittle. She frowned, once again, and ran her fingers through his hair, applying gel. When she took her hands away from his head she gasped.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, nervously.

"Harry," Lou demanded, "how long has your hair been breaking so easily and falling out?"

"I don't know what you are talking about Lou," Harry lied.

"Yes you do Harry," Louis jumped in, "whenever you take a shower there is always a shitload of hair at the bottom of the drain and I've noticed whenever I touch your hair I end up with a clump of it in my hand."

"It's not important," Harry grumbled.

"Harry this is important," Lou said, "obviously something is wrong with your body. Obviously you're sick."

Harry stood up from the chair, furious, "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE SO I CAN GET THIS BLOODY SIGNING DONE WITH!"

He stormed out of the room with a loud BANG! Leaving Lou and the rest of the boys standing in shock.

"What just happened?" Lou asked.

The boys sighed and Louis fished the paper with Harry's symptoms on it out of his pocket. He handed it to Lou and she looked at it questioningly. As she scanned the paper her eyes widened.

"Are these really Harry's symptoms?" She asked, her voice quivering slightly.

"Yes," Louis answered, "do you have any idea what it could be?"

"Boys," she said, her eyes glistening, "what do you know about anorexia?"

***3 Hours Later***

The signing had passed slowly. The boys, with the exception of Harry who had put on a pretty face for the fans, were quiet. They were all to shocked at what Lou had suggested. Sure, Louis had suggested it a few months prior, but he hadn't really given it a second thought. Heck, Harry was a boy. Boys don't get anorexia, it's a girl disease. Yet, even though he firmly believed that, here he was sitting in a circle with three of the other boys, discussing Harry, who was at the gym.

"Maybe we should google anorexia," Liam said, "I mean we don't have any other ideas and Lou seemed pretty sure of her guess."

"But Harry can't have anorexia, he's a guy," Lous protested.

"It says here that 10% of anorexia sufferers are male," Liam said, looking at his phone.

"You mean," Liam mumbled, "that it is possible for Harry to have anorexia?"

"Yes it is," Liam nodded.

"What else does that website say?" Niall asked.

"See for yourself," Liam said.

Sufferers of anorexia may experience any of the following physical symptoms.

Extreme weight loss

Thin appearance

Abnormal blood counts

Fatigue

Insomnia

Dizziness or fainting

A bluish discoloration of the fingers

Hair that thins, breaks or falls out

Soft, downy hair covering the body

Absence of menstruation

Constipation

Dry skin

Intolerance of cold

Irregular heart rhythms

Low blood pressure

Dehydration

Osteoporosis

Swelling of arms or legs

Sufferers may also experience any of the following emotional symptoms.

Refusal to eat

Denial of hunger

Afraid of gaining weight

Lying about how much food has been eaten

Excessive exercise

Flat mood (lack of emotion)

Social withdrawal

Irritability

Preoccupation with food

Reduced interest in sex

Depressed mood

Possible use of laxatives, diet aids or herbal products

"Which of those does he have?" Zayn asked.

"Give me one sec," Louis mumbled, before running into Harry's bathroom.

A few minutes later he came back and had two bottles in his hands.

"What are those?" Niall asked.

"This one has diet pills and this one has laxatives," Louis said, with a shake of his head.

"Did you just find those now?" Liam asked.

"Yeah, they were in the top drawer of his bathroom sink."

"Well, we know he has that symptom now," Zayn said, "what other ones does he have?"

"Extreme weight loss, thin appearance, fatigue, dizziness, bluish discoloration of the fingers, hair that thins, breaks, or falls out, soft downy hair covering the body, intolerance of cold, refusual to eat, denial of hunger, afraid of gaining weight, lying about how much they've eaten, excessive exercise, social withdrawl, irritability, depressed mood, and laxatives and diet pills." Louis said.

"What makes you think he has 'soft downy hair' covering his body?" Zayn asked, suddenly.

"I walked in on him shaving his face," Louis explained, "he told me he'd been having a problem with excess hair growth on his body and he was trying to get rid of it."

"And what makes you think he's afraid of gaining weight?" Niall asked.

"Simple," Liam answered, "if he knew he was underweight and unhealthy then don't you think he'd be all for gaining weight? It shows that , not only does he not know he in underweight, he obviously is refusing to gain weight."

"What about the social withdrawl?" Zayn asked again, "He seemed pretty social today at the signing."

"How many times have you put on a pretty face for the fans?" Louis asked, "He barely ever talks to me anymore, he's always either in his bedroom or at the gym. And he always looks so sad."

The other boys agreed.

"I think we should call Simon instead of Paul guys," Liam said, "maybe Simon could help him."

The boys agreed once again.

Louis stood up with the pills still in his hands, "well, I'm going to go flush these down the toilet."

Suddenly the door of the flat opened and in walked a dead looking Harry. He was breathing heavily, his body was obviously shaking, and his eyes were void of emotion. He looked up at Louis and noted the bottles in his hand. Harry stood up straighter, anger now flashing in his eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Harry exclaimed.

"Flushing these down the toilet," Louis said.

Harry dropped his keys on the table and, at the same time as Louis, exclaimed,

"We need to talk."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Harry glared at Louis, "well then, spit it out!"

"Harry," Louis said, "I don't want to fight. I just want you to get some help."

"For what?" Harry asked, increduously, "There is nothing wrong with me!"

"If there is nothing wrong with you, then explain these," Louis frowned, holding out the bottles of pills.

"I don't owe you an explanation. You went into my bathroom and took them I think you're the one who owes me an explanation!" Harry said, voice rising.

"Harry calm down, we are trying to help you," Liam said.

"NO YOU AREN'T!" Harry yelled, "IF YOU WERE TRYING TO HELP ME YOU'D LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

"Harry please," Louis cried, "we are so worried about you. You need help and we want to help you get it."

"I DON'T NEED HELP!" Harry screamed, "AS I SAID BEFORE WHAT I NEED IS FOR YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Please Harry it's so obvious you need help," Niall said, "You aren't eating and you've lost so much weight. Lou thinks you might have.."

"Anorexia," Zayn finished.

Harry's eyes widened, "w-what d-did you say?"

"Lou thinks you might have anorexia," Louis said.

"T-that's ridiculous," Harry stuttered.

"Is it really Harry?" Liam asked, "I mean we've looked up the symptoms and you have almost every one of them."

"You guys are blowing this whole thing way out of proportion," Harry said, "get it through your head; I AM FINE!"

"Harry-" Louis started.

"NO! I'm fine and I do't need your "help". Now I'm going to shower," Harry growled.

He walked up the stairs, slamming the door when he reached his room. The boys all stared at each other, unsure of what to do.

"That did not go well," Niall said, breaking the silence.

"No, really?" Louis muttered, "I thought it went great!"

"Louis," Liam sighed, "right now is not the time to fight with each other. What we need to do is call Simon and see if we can meet him sometime soon. Now who wants to call?"

"You do," Zayn smiled.

"Fine," Liam mumbled.

***Phone Conversation***

"Simon Cowell speaking."

"Hello Simon," Liam smiled.

"Liam!" Simon said, "How may I help you?"

"We, erm, have a problem with Harry."

"I see," Simon said, "what kind of problem?"

"Well, we have looked up the symptoms," Liam said, "and we believe that Harry might have anorexia."

"And what makes you believe that?" Simon asked, obviously suprised.

"Well, he has lost A LOT of weight to the point where he appears sick, we found diet pills and laxatives in his bathroom, and whenever we ask him to eat he get insanely angry and blows up in our faces."

"I see," Simon sighed, "it certainly seems like something is wrong. I'll call Harry and see if he'll come to lunch with me tomorrow."

"That's a great idea Simon, but I suggest you don't mention the word lunch."

"Right, will do Liam, oh and thank you for calling me. I'm glad that I've been informed about this issue."

"Thank you Simon, good bye."

"Bye Liam."

***End Of Phone Conversation***

"Well," Zayn said, "what did he say?"

"He's going to call Harry and invite him for lunch tomorrow."

"But, he's not going to go if he mentions lunch," Niall frowned.

"I know," Liam said, "that's why I told him not to."

"Well, now that we have a plan I need to get going," Zayn said.

"Me too," Niall agreed.

"I guess I should go too," Liam muttered, blushing as his hand touched Niall's.

"Alright, I'll call you tomorrow when Harry gets back," Louis said.

The boys nodded and said their goodbyes. Louis groaned as he laid down on the couch and turned the tv on.

***Upstairs In Harry's Room***

"Hello?"

"Hello Harry," Simon said.

"Hi Simon, what's up?"

"I'm going to be in your neighbor hood tomorrow and I was thinking maybe you and I could catch up."

"With the other boys?" Harry asked, confused.

"No, I've talked with the other boys quite a lot lately and I feel like you and I have some catching up to do."

"Wait," Harry muttered, "this isn't some sort of intervention is it?"

"Of course it isn't," Simon chuckled, "I just thought you would like to see me. Am I wrong?"

"Not at all. I'll see you tomorrow, Simon," Harry said.

"Great. I'll drop by and pick you up at noon," Simon said.

"Okay, see you then. Good bye Simon."

"Bye Harry. See you tomorrow."

***End Of Phone Conversation***

Harry groaned, knowing that tomorrow had to be some sort of trick. He walked into his bathroom and opened the drawer, pulling out his blade. Tonight was going to be a long night.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Harry!" Louis yelled, "Simon is here."

"Coming," Harry muttered.

He walked into the living room and saw Louis and Simon staring at him. When Simon caught a glimpse of Harry his jaw dropped. He knew Harry had lost weight, but he looked sick and he had at least three layers on. Who knew how skinny he really was. Simon took a minute to compose himself and stepped forward to hug Harry. Harry tensed as the older mans arms wrapped around his, all too tiny, body. Simon pulled away, frowning.

"You ready Harry?" He asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Harry sighed.

He muttered a 'good bye' to Louis and then followed Simon to his car.

"So," Harry asked, once seated in Simon's car, "where are we going?"

"Well," Simon smiled, "I thought we could go out for lunch at Olive Garden."

At the word lunch Harry visibly pale, if it were possible for his to get anymore pale.

"Okay, but I'll just watch," Harry shrugged, "I just ate."

"Did you really, Harry?" Simon asked, "Be honest with me."

"Yes I did," Harry lied, his jaw clenched.

Simon just nodded. The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Harry got onto twitter and was shocked to discover that his fans agreed with his band mates. A lot of them were posting photos with captions that read, 'Harry Styles anorexic?" and "Dieting to the extreme.' Harry clenched his jaw again and got off twitter. What do they know? They probably just want to make me fatter than I already am. Hmph, some fans. Just as Harry was about to tweet a very angry message the car stopped, stopping him.

"Ready Harry?"

"Yeah," Harry replied, getting out of the car slowly.

At this point nothing could rid him of the dizziness completely, but the slower he got up the better. Simon gave him a sympathetic look, confusing Harry. What did Simon know? What had the boys told him? He knew this was probably and intervention of some sort, but he wasn't sure how much the boys had told him. His palms were beginning to sweat. This was not good. Harry followed Simon into the restaurant and a waitress showed them to their table.

"Can I start you gentlemen out with some drinks?" She asked, giggling slight. It was obvious she knew who she was talking to, but she was very composed and professional.

"I'll take a pepsi," Simon smiled.

"Okay," she said, "and what about you, sir?"

"Uh, I'll just have water," Harry mumbled.

"Alright," she said, "I'll go get your drinks and give you some time to decide on what to eat."

Harry opened the menu, in an attempt to keep his gaze away from Simon. He had to think of a way to get out of eating or at least eat something small, like a salad. No, no salad. You have 2 more days of fasting. If you eat now you'll be ugly and fat forever. No one will ever want you if you eat. Say that you're beginning to feel sick. You do look pale so that should help.

"Have you gentlemen decided?" The waitress asked, setting their drinks in front of them.

"Yes," Simon said, "I'll have the chicken parmesan."

"Excellent. And for you?" She asked, looking at Harry.

"I actually have a bit of a dodgy stomach and-"

"He will have the same as me," Simon interrupted.

"But I-"

"No buts," Simon sighed, "I'm sure you will get your appetite back when you see the food."

The waitress smiled, giving Harry a sympathetic look as he argued saying he, 'wasn't hungry.' What was up with everybody today? Did everyone think he was sick? If they did they wouldn't be wrong. Yes they would! You aren't sick, you are on your way to perfection. People just want to ruin you. Yes ana, I'm sorry.

"So," Simon began, "we need to talk."

Harry groaned, "I knew that was coming. What lies have the boys told you?"

Simon looked around the restaurant, pleased to find they were the only ones there.

"They didn't lie to me," Simon said, "although at first, I must admit, I thought they were exaggerating a bit. Now, looking at you, I see that they actually understated the problem."

"They must have lied to you," Harry said, "because there is no problem."

At that moment their waitress, her name tag read Tiffany, came and set their food in front of them.

"Here you are," she beamed, "enjoy."

Once she walked away Simon started eating, but Harry refused to touch his plate.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Simon asked, expectantly.

"I told you," Harry said, "my stomach is feeling dodgy."

"If you want to prove to me that there is no problem, then you'll eat all of that," Simon countered.

Harry shuddered, looking at his plate, "'M not hungry."

"According to the boys you are never hungry. Now, let's talk."

"There is nothing to talk about."

" I believe there is Harry," Simon sighed, "the fact is you have lost a ridiculous amount of weight, you are taking diet pills and laxatives, and you refuse to eat."

"I'm sorry that I'm not a bottomless pit like Niall!" Harry sneered.

"Aw yes," Simon said, "the boys told me this might happen. They told me every time they discuss food with you you become agitated and storm off. Do you plan on doing that today?"

"No," Harry muttered.

"Then explain the diet pills and laxatives."

Harry looked down at his twiddling thumbs. He wanted to talk to Simon. He wanted to pour his heart out. Deep down he knew something was wrong. He knew his hair was breaking far to easily, he knew his fingernails shouldn't be that blue, and he knew he shouldn't be constantly cold despite always wearing 3-4 layers of clothing. But, despite knowing all that, he couldn't talk. He couldn't talk because Ana wouldn't let him. She told him that they would try and take her away from his, which scared him out of his wits. She told him that they would make him go back to his original weight, which was far too fat. Most importantly she told him, if he told someone about her, that he would never be loved. That alone was enough to keep him quiet.

"I've been constipated lately," he said, and it wasn't a lie.

"And the diet pills?"

"I was just trying to stay in shape," Harry mumbled.

"Emaciated isn't a shape, Harry," Simon frowned, his eyes full of concern.

Emaciated? He couldn't possibly be telling the truth. Of course he's not! Just look at you, you're a big tub of lard. Sure, you've lost weight but you're still fat and worthless. But, don't worry I can make you perfect, just stick with me Harry. Yes Ana, I'll stick with you forever. Or at least until I'm perfect.

"Harry," Simon continued, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," Harry mumbled, "I'm fine."

"Harry, do you know how skinny you are?" Simon asked, looking worried.

"That's a trick question," Harry muttered.

"How so?"

"I'm not skinny," Harry said, "and it's rude of you to joke that I am."

"That's what I thought."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"I mean," Simon said, "that most people with your illness see themselves as overweight, despite being shockingly underweight."

"W-what disease?" Harry choked, "I d-don't have a disease."

"Harry I know it may be hard to admit, but all the boys and I want to do is help you."

"I DON'T NEED HELP!" Harry snapped.

"Harry, please-"

"NO! Don't 'please' me I don't need to take this crap," Harry argued, "I'm perfectly healthy and all of you just want to ruin me."

"Alright Harry," Simon sighed, "I'm sorry for bringing it up. How about we head back now?"

Harry just nodded his head. He was far to angry to attempt to say anything even remotely civil. The drive back to the flat was equally quiet. When they reached the flat Harry followed Simon up the stairs and into his flat.

"Um, thanks for lunch Simon," Harry mumbled, "I'm gonna go change and go to the gym."

"But Harry you didn't eat lun-"

"Bye Simon," Harry murmered, heading to his room.

"Louis," Simon said, once Harry was gone, "I think we should talk."

"Of course," Louis said, "I'm interested to know what happened today."

Just then Harry walked into the room. He still had at least three layers on, but he had sweatpants instead of pants and had his trainers on. His headphones were in his ears and he grabbed his keys, walking out of the flat quickly. Simon looked worried.

"Don't worry Simon," Louis said, "he'll be back from the gym in about 4 hours."

"That is a reason to worry," Simon muttered.

"True," Louis sighed, "so, did you say Harry didn't eat lunch?"

"No, he didn't. He just stared at it and fiddled with his fork."

"I don't know why I expected anything different," Louis said, "he never eats lunch with me, but I just thought maybe he would eat if he was with you. I don't know."

"Who he's with isn't going to matter, Louis," Simon said.

"You're right. We need to figure out what's going on inside his head," Louis said.

"What do you mean by that?" Simon asked.

"I mean," Louis continued, "he thinks he's fat! He's bone skinny, but he thinks he's fat! And he never changes in front of us anymore. It's like he's trying to hide something from us."

Simon let out a deep breath, "well, it could be that he doesn't want you to see him because he thinks you will think he's fat or it could be...I doubt it, but..."

"But what!?" Louis exclaimed.

"Do you think Harry is cutting himself?"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Do you think Harry is cutting himself?"

Upon hearing those words Louis shook his head vigorously. There was no way his Harry, beautiful and strong Harry, could be cutting. But, he's not as strong as he seems lately. No! He couldn't be cutting, could he?

"Louis?"

"W-what?" He asked, coming back to reality.

"Do you think Harry is cutting himself?" Simon repeated.

"I-I-I want to say no, but the truth is, at this point, I don't know," Louis said.

"Is there any way you could find out?"

"I, um, I suppose we could look in his bathroom for razors that were taken apart," Louis mumbled.

"I think that might be a good idea," Simon said, "it's obvious Harry needs help, though."

"I know," Louis sighed, "I don't know why I didn't intervene sooner. I guess I just didn't want to think of Harry as being anorexic. I had labeled it off as a girl disease and I had decided Harry was just going through a phase."

"It's hard," Simon told him, "to admit that someone we love could have a serious problem, but it's necessary if we want to help that person get better."

"Yeah," Louis said, opening the door to Harry's bathroom, "I just don't know how to help him. I mean some days it seems like he really wants help. He'll be staring at the fridge, fear evident in his eyes. I'll watch him open it, slowly, and pull something out. He'll take a bite and then he gets a look of fear in his eyes. He starts grabbing at his stomach, I think he's checking for fat, and then he'll run into the bathroom doing who knows what."

"I have a feeling he's been throwing up when he eats," Simon sighed.

"This is all so hard," Louis said, putting his head in his hands, "I just don't know what to do."

"I know it's hard, but we have to stay strong for Harry. We have to show him that life can get better, and we have to believe it when we say it."

"Okay Simon," Louis smiled, "I can do that."

Simon returned the smile and began opening cabinets. Louis looked under the sink, behind Harry's toiletries, and in the shower. His search showed nothing, though, and soon Simon and him returned to the living room.

"So," Louis smiled, "I guess this means Harry isn't cutting."

"Louis," Simon frowned, "just because we didn't find a razor blade in his bathroom doesn't mean he doesn't have one hidden away somewhere else."

"I was afraid you'd say that," Louis muttered.

"I suggest you start keeping track of how long Harry stays in the bathroom, if it is more than a few minutes open the door and see what he's doing. If he gets mad, well, that doesn't matter. What matters is that we find out if Harry is cutting."

Louis nodded his head, "I'll do that Simon. Thanks."

"You're welcome Louis," Simon smiled, "I have to take off now, but keep me in the loop about what's going on with Harry."

"Will do Simon," Louis said, "bye."

Simon smiled and exited the flat, heading back to his home. Once he had left Louis decided he was going to make dinner and he was going to make sure Harry ate it. Only problem was he didn't know how. Sighing, Louis picked up the phone and called the boys. They agreed to meet up in an hour and help him make dinner, as long as they got to eat some of it. Louis looked at the clock and saw that he had spent about an hour with Simon. He had three more to go before Harry would return home. He had to make sure this dinner was perfect, so that Harry had no reason not to eat it. Louis laid down on the couch and flipped on the tv, browsing the channels. An hour later the doorbell rang and Louis opened it, a frown on his face.

"What's wrong Lou?" Liam asked, obviously worried.

"Well, Simon thinks that Harry has been cutting himself and throwing up when he eats something he feels he shouldn't," Louis sighed, "that's why I decided to make dinner tonight. I wanted to make something so delicious that Harry would have no reason not to eat it, but I don't know how to cook so I called you lads."

"Oh my gosh, Louis," Liam mumbled, sympathetically, "I knew something was wrong with Harry but I had no idea it was that serious."

"Yeah mate," Zayn said, "that's pretty intense."

"What can we do to help?" Niall asked.

"You can help me make such an irresistible dinner that Harry will for sure eat it," Louis grinned.

"Tacos it is then," Niall smiled.

"Sounds perfect," Louis said, "now, how do you make tacos?"

The next two hours were full of chaos. Between Niall trying to eat all the cheese and Louis burning countless tortillas, it was more than a little difficult to make a delicious meal. Somehow, though, they managed thanks to Liam and Zayn that is. At a quarter after five, four hours after he left, Harry entered the flat. All the boys, who were previously laughing and smiling, were staring at Harry with an undefined emotion. Harry was leaning against the doorframe, unaware of the 8 pairs of eyes on him, holding his chest. He had an expression that was a mixture of fear and adrenaline. He was sweating profusely, yet still shaking like a chihuahua. His clothes were sticking to him, he wasn't wearing a sweatshirt today, and the boys became frighteningly aware of just how skinny their friend had become. His ribs were sticking out, almost appearing sharp, and his spine was no better. His stomach was concaving in and his thighs weren't anywhere near touching. He looked like the definition of anorexic and Louis was surprised he hadn't died yet. Snapping back to the fact that their friend had his had on his chest and a fearful expression on his face, the boys walked towards Harry.

"Harry, are you okay?" Niall asked.

Louis slapped him upside the head, "of course he's not fine you idiot, just look at him."

"I-I'm f-fine," Harry panted, "j-just over...did it is all."

"Harry you're holding your chest as though you were having a heart attack," Liam said, "come on, we need to get you to the hospital."

Harry's eyes went wide with fear, that was no longer connected to his chest, "no. N-no hospital."

"Harry you need to go," Zayn said, "if you don't agree to then I'm going to call for an ambulance."

"P-please," he choked, "I-I'm fine."

"I'll make you a deal Harry," Louis sighed, "if you come in and eat some tacos with us, then you don't have to go to the hospital."

The three boys stared at him like he was crazy, but Harry just smiled and nodded murmuring "thank you" every so often. Harry followed the boys into the kitchen, stumbling like a drunk. But, hey, it wasn't his fault he was so dizzy. Okay, maybe it was, but that was unimportant. Sitting down at the table Liam placed two tacos, both overloaded with food, in front of Harry. All the boys noted the look of extreme fear that went through Harry's eyes and they were pretty sure the shaking wasn't only from his chest. Harry stared at the plate in front of him and a year slipped down his cheek. All the other boys looked up from their own food and frowned at their friends reaction to dinner. How could someone possibly be this afraid of food?

"Harry eat up," Niall smiled.

"I'm sorry guys," he mumbled, pushing the plate away, "I just can't."

"Is my cooking really that bad?" Louis joked, but seeing that no one found his joke funny he took a more sympathetic route.

"You can do it Haz," he smiled, "just one bite at a time."

More tears fell from Harry's face as he shook his head, "I'm sorry. Too many calories."

He got up from the table slowly and quietly left the room. The boys didn't attempt to stop him. They were all so shocked at what they had just witnessed. How could anyone be that afraid of food? How could food evoke that much emotion in someone? How could anorexia have taken their best friend and turned him into only a shell? Most importantly, how could they have let this happen?

Harry picked up the blade and slashed it across his skin, violently. He repeated the action multiple times smiling at the angry cuts that were now littered across his stomach. He was going to need a new area to cut soon. Hmm. He could think about that later. He thought about the looks on his friends faces when he had began crying at dinner. They looked so hurt and worried. He was angry at himself for hurting them. He was trying to make himself perfect for them, yet here he was hurting them further. He slashed one more angry cut into his skin before hopping in the shower to clean his wounds.

"What are we going to do about Harry?" Zayn asked, "I mean did you see his face? He looked like we had just murdered his whole family and now were going for him."

"I know," Louis frowned, "I just can't believe I let it get this bad."

"I'm sure we all feel the same way," Niall mumbled, "but we have to remember that this isn't anyone's fault except for anorexias."

"I know," Louis muttered, "but that still doesn't tell us what we are going to do about Harry."

"I think," Liam said, "that it's time Anne came for a visit."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It was three days later and Louis was furiously cleaning the flat. Harry was at the gym and Anne would be there any minute. He sighed, this was their last resort. If Anne couldn't help Harry who could? What if know one could help him? What if it was to late? No, he couldn't think that way. He had to stay positive. Anne was going to help and Harry was going to be okay. He finished vacuuming and was jerked out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. He put the vacuum up and went to answer the door. Anne stood outside the flat with a worried expression on her face.

"Hello Anne," Louis attempted a smile.

"Hello Louis," Anne's smile was weak, "do you mind telling me a little more about what's going on with Harry?"

"Of course. Come on in," Louis said.

Anne followed Louis over to the couch and sat down. Louis went into the kitchen and got two glasses of ice water and some crisps. He walked to the couch and set the food on the table.

"Thank you Louis," she said, taking a crisp, "now what's going on with Harry? Liam was very vague."

"What exactly did Liam tell you?" Louis asked, his mouth full of crisps.

Anne gave him a look that read, 'didn't your mother teach you not to chew with your mouth full?'

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"It's fine," she laughed, "all Liam told me was that Harry was losing a lot of weight and refusing to eat."

"Well," Louis said, "for the last, I'm not sure, 4-5 months Harry has only been eating a few times a week. He's lost a lot of weight, although I don't know the exact number. Lou suggested that he may have anorexia. At first I didn't believe it, I thought it was a girl disease, but now I do believe it. He has almost all the symptoms. And a few days ago we made tacos, in hopes that he would eat something. He came home clutching his chest with a look of fear on his face. His shirt was sticking to him and you could see every bone. He was sweating, but also shaking. I thought he was dying. We tried to get him to go to the hospital, but I told him if he would eat a couple tacos he didn't have to go. He agreed, but when Liam put the tacos in front of him he totally freaked. He started to cry, mumbled 'too many calories', and left the room. Simon thinks that, when he eats something he feels he shouldn't, that he throws up. He also thinks that he's been cutting because he never gets changed in front of us anymore and he spends 30-45 minutes in the bathroom sometimes. Anyway that's pretty much it."

Tears were streaming down Anne's face by now and she put her head in her hands.

"My poor baby," she cried, "are you sure about this, Louis?"

"Yes ma'am," I sighed, "but if you really want proof just wait until he gets back from the gym."

"How long has he been at the gym?"

"About four hours," I said, "he should be back any minute."

"Four hours!?" She exclaimed.

"Yeah. I've tried to stop him or at least make him go for less time, but he's completely adamant about going for four hours."

"Oh my goodness," she sniffed, "do you mind if I make dinner tonight?"

"Not at all," Louis said, "but don't be too hurt if he doesn't eat it."

"Well, I'll make some soup. Maybe if it's light enough he won't feel as nervous as he did with the tacos, seeing as they are quite heavy."

"That's actually a really good idea, Anne," Louis smiled, "I don't know why I didn't think of that."

"Do you know the last time he ate?"

"Last night, about 7, he ate a salad. No dressing, just lettuce, a couple chopped up carrot sticks, and some celery." Louis said.

"I see," Anne said, "I'm going to go start the soup. Do you have everything to make minestrone soup?"

"I don't know," Louis shrugged.

"Do you have vegetables in the fridge?" She asked.

"Yeah, Harry has been keeping the fridge full of almost every type of vegetable," Louis laughed.

"Perfect," she smiled, "I'm going to start the soup."

"Okay," Louis said, "I'm going to take your suitcase into my room."

"Are you sure?" She asked, "I'm perfectly fine with sleeping on the couch."

"It's fine Anne," Louis said, "I'll be fine on the couch. You just make yourself comfortable in my room."

"Thank you Lou," Anne said.

"Anytime."

Anne walked into the kitchen and began taking ingredients out. Louis went back into the living and grabbed Anne's suitcase. He pulled it into his room and set in by his bed. He could hear the door to the flat open and he walked back into the living room to see Harry. He was once again leaning against the doorframe, but he kept his hand off his chest and his expression was a lot less scared. Despite all this, he was still shaking and sweating. He had his sweatshirt on, so his all too tiny frame was hidden from view. All in all he looked sick and Louis just wanted to shove food down his throat.

"You okay, Harry?" he asked, worriedly.

"Y-yes 'm fine," he mumbled, breathing heavily.

"Are you sure? You look like you're about to pass out," Louis sighed.

"I'M FINE LOUIS," he shouted, "WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU ACCEPT THAT!?"

"Because I know you're not all right, Harry, but I'm not going to fight," Louis mumbled.

Just then Anne walked into the room.

"Harry Edward Styles don't yell at Louis. He's just worrying about you and by the looks of it he has plenty reason to be worried. You look like a zombie. Are you sure you're alright? Never mind, I know you aren't. Now, come give your worried mum a hug."

Harry's eyes were wide, but he gave Anne a hug nonetheless. After kissing her cheek he stepped back and sent Louis a glare.

"No offense to you mum, but why the heck are you here?" He asked.

"Liam called me and said that you had lost a lot of weight and weren't eating," she frowned, "seeing you I see he understated the problem."

"There is no problem mum," he sighed, "and if the rest of the boys could learn to keep their traps shut and mind their own business they'd realize nothing is freaking wrong!"

"Harry it's obvious you're sick and you need help," she said, "I'm making minestrone soup for tonight. If you want to prove that nothing is wrong then you'll eat what is put in front of you."

"You sound just like Simon," Harry muttered, "he said the same thing."

"I always knew he was sensible," Anne smiled.

"Whatever," Harry groaned, "I'm going to take a shower."

"Well," Anne sighed, "tonight is going to be interesting."

"Harry dinner is ready!" Anne called.

Harry walked into the kitchen, where three bowls of soup were set on the table, and groaned. He watched Anne and Louis eat their meals. Finally he raised the spoon to his lips and took a sip of the soup. The soup was bitter on his taste buds, just like most food nowadays. He sighed, but spoonful after spoonful he finally managed to finish his bowl of soup. He looked at Anne and Louis, who had the biggest grins on their faces, and gave a weak smile.

"I'll be right back," he said, "I need to use the bathroom."

Both of them nodded, obviously not realizing what he was about to do. Harry went into the bathroom and closed the door, forgetting to lock it. He crouched down and lifted the toilet seat up. This wasn't the first time he had purged, but it was the first time he had purged a whole meal. Without giving himself a chance to reconsider he stuck two fingers to the back of his throat and began to gag. It had gotten to the point where purging was fairly easy. He threw up for ten minutes straight, waiting to see blood his cue to stop.

"He's been in there awhile Lou," Anne sighed.

"Yeah," he agreed, "I'm gonna go check on him."

Louis walked over to Harry's bathroom and opened the door slowly and quietly. What he saw shocked him, even though he had a hunch that was what Harry was doing. Harry was crouched down bending over the toilet seat, fingers down his throat, and bloody vomit coming out of his mouth. He sighed, apparently finished, and flushed the toilet. He stood up, only to stumble backwards, and blinked repeatedly. He turned and, upon seeing Louis, paled visibly.

Louis frowned and said,

"Care to explain?"


	11. Chapter 11

"I-I-I-"

"Louis what's going on in there?" Anne asked, entering the large bathroom.

She looked at Harry's fingers and saw the bloody vomit covering them, although Harry quickly wiped them on a towel.

"Oh Harry," she said, tears in her eyes, "why didn't you tell us this was happening?"

"W-what was h-happening?" Harry asked, looking anywhere but his mums eyes.

"Harry you know what I'm talking about," Anne sighed.

"N-no I-I don't," Harry stammered.

"Harry why didn't you tell us how serious the anorexia was?" She asked, tears now streaming down her face.

""A-anorexia?" Harry said, "mum, that's, it's a girl disease."

"Harry ten percent of anorexic sufferers are male," she frowned, "and it's obvious you are one of them. Now, I'm staying for a week and I'm going to make sure you get some help."

"I-I don't need to go to the hospital," he said, confidence slowly coming back.

"I disagree, but I won't make you go. So long as you try and get better," she warned.

"I have nothing to get better from," Harry groaned.

Anne just shook her head sadly and left the room, leaving Harry and Louis alone.

"H-Harry," he choked, "please just-"

"DON'T HARRY ME," He yelled, "JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!"

Harry stormed past Louis and walked quickly to the living room. He was just about to walk out the door when Louis stopped him.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"Back to the gym," Harry sneered, pushing past Louis and slamming the door behind him.

Louis put his head in his hands and let the tears flow freely. His best friend was dying and he couldn't help him, but he knew he had to somehow. Anne walked into the living room and Louis turned to face her. She had their home phone in her hands. He walked over to the couch and sat down. She sat in a chair near him and held out the phone.

"What's this for?" He asked.

"I think it's time we took measures into our own hands and called his doctor for an appointment," she said.

"That's a great idea," Louis smiled, "but how do we get him to go?"

"Why don't you tell him that it's for you. Tell him it's just a physical, but that you don't want to go alone since they said that they would have to draw blood," Anne said.

"But that's lying," Louis frowned, "you were the one who smacked me on the head last year because I lied about eating that cookie."

"I know Louis," she sighed, "but I value my son's life over the truth right now."

"Okay," Louis said, picking up the phone and calling he and Harry's doctor. .

20 more minutes on this machine and then onto the elliptical.

But Ana, I've already been at the gym today. Can't I take it easy for now?

No! This is punishment for hurting your family. They probably think you deserve to starve and purge. They don't think your sick. They just want to make you fat so that they will be better than you, but stick with me and I'll make sure you are the one that's the best!

Yes Ana. I'll stick with you forever.

Good now keep running and as soon as your done on the elliptical you can have a break.

Really Ana?

Yes. You can have a break in a bathroom stall with your razorblade. And you'll do it on your thigh. I don't care if you think you have no room. You can cut on scars. Remember you deserve to hurt. You deserve to feel pain. You deserve to be punished. You are worthless, pathetic, and fat but you are on your way to perfection.

Yes Ana. I deserve to be punished. I'm worthless, but soon I'll be perfect.

Good now run faster you fat arse.

The door to the flat opened quietly. It wasn't late. Only about ten, but Harry wasn't going to risk waking the others up if they were asleep and he was praying they were. Of course his prayers landed on deaf ears as he saw two pairs of eyes land on him. He took his hand off of his aching chest. His heart felt as though he was going to explode, but a warm shower would help with that. As for the dizziness sleeping would be his savior. He just had to make it to his bedroom and then his bathroom.

"OH MY GOSH!"

Harry flinched as the sudden noise added to his already pounding skull. He looked over to see his mom with her hands covering her mouth and her eyes wide.

"Erm, hi mum," he mumbled.

"Harry," she sighed, getting up, "that's it. I'm taking you to the hospital."

"Mum you said you wouldn't!" His voice was rising.

"I know, but sweetie you're so pale and I saw you had your hand on your chest for a moment," she cried, "this really has gotten very far out of hand."

"Mum I'm fine," Harry sighed, "I'm going to take a shower and then go to sleep."

Anne nodded, sadly. She was about to talk to Louis' room, when she saw the red spots on Harry's sweats near his thigh. Her eyes widened once again and she looked at Harry refusing to believe it. Sure, Louis had said that Simon thought Harry was cutting, but he couldn't be right. Could he?

"Harry," she said cautiously, "why is your thigh bleeding?"

"What?" He looked at his sweats, "oh no that's just dirt."

"Dirt isn't that red, Harry," she said, "now tell me what's really going on."

"Nothing is going on mum," he said, "I don't know why my thigh is bleed. I could have scraped it on a machine for all I know. Now, please let me go take a shower and go to sleep."

"I'm sorry, but because of the circumstance I'm going to ask," she replied, "please strip down to your boxers. I already know that you're underweight, although how severely so may shock me. I want to know if your cutting, so right now, strip down."

"No."

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"I said no, but I think hell no fits a whole lot better," he sneered.

"Harry you aren't thinking rationally," Louis was walking towards him and Anne, "please just strip down to your boxers and, if we see you aren't cutting, we will leave you alone. I mean, it shouldn't be this big of a deal. I've seen you strut around this flat naked with pride!"

"Stay out of this Louis," he growled.

"Just do as we say and you'll be in the shower and off to bed before you know it," Anne sighed.

"NO! WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU ACCEPT THAT. JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

With that he shoved roughly past Louis and his mum. He walked into his bedroom, grabbing some pajamas. He never slept commando these days. He didn't want himself or anyone else to see his fat. He walked into the bathroom and locked the door. He showered slowly, enjoying the relief that the warm water brought to his aching muscles. He stepped out of the shower and slipped on his shirt and boxers, leaving his pants off.

You really are pathetic. You blew up at your own mother and you pushed away your best friend. You should die, but then you would abandon me and I can't have that. All you cause is pain. Your friends frown and their eyes widen when they see you. You can't let them take me away. You must stay strong. No food for the next five days. You already ate that salad, you fatty. You'll have to double up on diet pills and laxatives. Now get on the scale.

He pulled the scale out and stepped on. 103. He stepped off with a sigh.

You're pathetic. You've only lost four pounds. You have to get below one hundred. You won't be worth anything until you are under one hundred. This is why your family fakes the pain. It's because they don't want you to know that they are happy that you are finally punishing yourself. They don't want you to know that they think you are a fat pig. They don't want you to know that they don't love you.

That was the first time Harry cut himself twice in one day.


	12. Chapter 12

"Harry please wake up."

Harry rolled over and, upon opening his eyes, saw Louis smiling down on him. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to be angry at Louis or if he should forgive him. Finally he sighed and gave Louis a weak smile. He sat up and motioned for Louis to sit on the end of the bed. Louis smiled and sat down.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Louis asked.

Harry gritted his teeth, "I'm fine and you?"

"Um, actually I'm a little nervous," Louis said, "I have a doctors appointment and they're going to draw blood. I was wondering if maybe you could come with me. Please?"

Harry fidgeted slightly. He was trying to avoid being around a doctor at all cost, even if it wasn't for him, but he wanted to help Louis.

"Y-yeah," he sighed, "I'll go."

"Thanks Haz," Louis smiled, "oh and your mom is coming too. She wants me to drop her off at a store afterwards so I told her she could come with me to the doctor."

"Okay," Harry said, "when do we have to leave?"

Louis checked his watch and laughed, "in about ten minutes."

"Oh."

Harry hopped off the bed, grabbed some clothes, and ran into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth, brushed his hair, and got dressed in a flash. He walked out of the bathroom, clothed in three layers of clothing, and into the living room. His mum was standing there, a smile on her face, next to Louis who was holding an apple and a granola bar. Harry walked over to them, kissing his mums cheek, and they walked out the door.

"Here," Louis said, handing him the food.

"I'm still full from the soup last night," Harry said.

"But Harry you didn't keep the soup from last night down," Louis frowned.

Harry opened his mouth to argue, but Anne beat him to it.

"Louis let's just drop it and go to the doctor," she sighed.

"Thank you," Harry smiled.

They walked to the car and drove to Dr. Hill's office. The ride was quiet. Harry had rolled down the window and secretly threw the food out of it. Yeah yeah he was littering, but he'd do anything to get out of eating. When they pulled into the doctor's office Harry followed the other two into the waiting room. Harry went and sat down with his mum while Louis went and signed in.

"Hello," the receptionist smiled, "how may I help you?"

"My friend, Harry Styles, has an appointment," Louis said quietly, "I apologize for being so quiet, but he thinks it's my appointment. He didn't exactly choose to come here."

"I see," she said, "I have the appointment right here. A nurse will call you back in a few minutes."

"Thank you," Louis smiled.

He walked over and sat down next to Harry who was talking to Anne about their tour in America. After a few minutes a young nurse, Allie, came into the waiting room.

"Harry Styles," she called.

"That's weird, but that must be you Lou," Harry frowned.

They got up and walked over to Allie.

"Hello Harry," she smiled.

"Hello Allie," he said, yeah they came here a lot, "it's actually Louis' appointment."

"I have it down right here that Louis called in and made an appointment for you," she said.

"W-what?"

They were in the exam room now.

"Yes," Allie said, "it says here that they, Louis and your mum, were concerned about your eating habits. I see that they definitely had a reason to be concerned."

At that point Harry's anger hit full force. How dare Louis and his mum do that. He was fine and they were trying to ruin him. Well, he would show them. He wasn't going to let them examine him. Now way in hell!

"Well, Allie, I apologize that we wasted your time. As you can see I am perfectly healthy and Louis and my mum are being completely delusional," Harry said.

"Harry by the looks of you I don't think Louis or your mum are being delusional, but if you want to prove to us that they are delusional I suggest you let us weigh you, take some blood, and take your blood pressure. If you are healthy then we'll let you go and I'm sure you're friends and family will stop worrying."

"I don't need to prove anything," Harry groaned.

"Harry please be reasonable," Anne said.

Just do it! They can't make you change. I'll make sure of that. Just stop arguing and get it over with.

"Fine," Harry sighed.

Louis and Anne's faces lit up.

"Alright Harry please change into this gown. You can't have anything on, not even your boxers since we want to get you exact weight," Allie smiled, holding a gown out to him.

"But I've never had to put a gown on to be weighed before," Harry frowned.

"I know," Allie said, "but when we do eating disorder assessments we have to make sure we get the exact weight of our patient."

"But I don't have an eating disorder," Harry said.

"Let's not argue Harry. Let's just get this over with," Allie sighed.

"Fine," Harry gave in, "but I don't have to change in here do I?"

"Yes," Allie said, "but I'm sure Anne and Louis would be happy to step out."

"Of course," Louis agreed.

Louis and Anne followed Allie into the hallway. Harry stripped down until he was nude and, shivering horribly, slipped on the gown. He was happy that this one had a back. He looked at his legs to make sure no one would be able to see his scars or cuts. He had been careful not to cut below his knees in case he was ever warm enough to wear shorts, although that hadn't happened for a long time. He looked at his arms and saw that the cuts on his upper biceps were not visible. At this point he had cuts on both his thighs, his stomach, some of his chest, and now his upper biceps. He heard a knock on the door followed by a, "are you ready Harry?".

"Coming," he said.

He opened the door and looked at his friend and mum's shocked looks.

"I'm ready," he mumbled.

Louis couldn't believe his eyes. Harry looked so frail and breakable. The gown was swallowing him whole, but that only added to the shock at Harry's skinny frame. His legs, which were once skinny but muscular, had now become toothpicks that looked like they were about to snap. His spine was pushing painfully against the back of the gown and, although the gown hid his ribs from view, he imagined his friends ribs were just as visible. Louis looked up a little higher and noticed Harry's collarbones. They were soooo visible it was frightening. Just below his collar bones he could see bones pushing up against his chest. He couldn't believe what he was looking at. This wasn't Harry. This was a skeleton.

"I'm ready," Harry said again, gritting his teeth.

"Of course Harry," Allie said, "please step onto the scale."

Everyone noted the fear in Harry's eyes and the way he was shaking, although part of that was from coldness, as he walked to the scale. He stepped onto it and they all waited. They didn't have to wait very long, when the scale beeped.

"102 pounds 13 ounces," Allie frowned, "Harry the last time you were here you weighed exactly 160. You've lost 57 pounds and 3 ounces. This is really serious."

"I'm f-fine," Harry said, teeth chattering, "can we hurry up so I can p-put my sweatshirt back on?"

"Um, of course, please go back into the exam room and I'll be there in a moment with the blood pressure machine," Allie said, with a weak smile. She was just as shocked as Louis and Anne.

Harry went back into the exam room and sat on the exam table. Louis and Anne followed, silently, and sat down in two chairs in the room. For a moment no one spoke. Anne and Louis were in too much of a shock from hearing Harry's weight. Harry, however, was too embarrassed that Anne and Louis had now seen just how fat he was. Finally Louis broke the silence.

"Haz," he sighed, "why didn't you tell us what was going on? Why did this happen?"

"Nothing has happened Lou," Harry frowned, "other than the fact that you and my mum now know how fat I am."

Louis eyes widened and Harry, mentally, slapped himself. The first rule Ana had taught him was never to tell anyone that he thought he was fat. That would make them suspicious.

"Harry," Louis gasped, "you know you aren't fat. You're fucking ema-"

"Alright Harry," Allie said, "I'm going to take your blood pressure now."

She slipped the blood pressure cup on Harry's arm and turned the machine on. Harry closed his eyes and relaxed as the machine tightened and then began to loosen. She slipped a thermometer under his tongue. Finally the machine and the thermometer beeped. He opened his eyes and once again saw a frown on everyone's faces.

"79 over 34, heart rate 39. Temperature 96.7," Allie frowned, "I hope you realize that the average heart rate is 120 over 80. It shouldn't go below 90 over 45 and your heart rate should be above 60. As for temperature it shouldn't be below 98. That explains why you are so cold all the time and your blood pressure is the reason you are experiencing all this dizziness."

"That makes sense," Harry mumbled, "but that doesn't mean I have a problem."

"Well, I'm going to take some blood now and we'll see if you have any deficiencies and we'll check if you're anemic," Allie told him, holding our a needle and a vial for the blood.

She drew Harry's blood and quietly left the room, after telling them that the doctor would be in in about a half hour with the results. Silence again covered the room. Harry slipped his headphones into his ears and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. Louis and Anne stayed quiet, glancing at each other sympathetically every now and then. A half hour later Dr. Hill walked into the room. Harry slipped his headphones out and back into his pocket, staring at Dr. Hill expectantly.

"Good morning Harry," Dr. Hill smiled, although she looked worried.

"Good morning Dr. Hill," Harry said, "do you have my results?"

"Yes and I'm afraid you are anemic," she frowned, "you are also severely deficient in most vitamins, including iron."

"Oh," Harry frowned, "and why is that?"

"The reason is anorexia," she said, "when you starve yourself you aren't taking in any of the vitamins you need."

"But I don't starve-"

"Harry we all know you do," Dr. Hill said, "you don't need to lie. Now, we have to options. Usually, when I see a case like yours, I would immediately call the hospital and have you admitted. Seeing, however, that you probably don't want the press knowing all about this I have another option."

"And what is that?" Louis asked.

"I'm going to make up a diet plan for Harry to follow. He's also not allowed more than a half hours exercise a day. Next week you can bring him back and, depending if he's gaining weight, we'll see if he can stay home or if he needs to go to the hospital. I'm also going to put him on a multi vitamin, calcium, and zinc supplement."

"Okay," Anne nodded, "anything else?"

"Not that I can think of. You're free to change and go," Dr. Hill smiled.

"Thanks," Harry mumbled.

Louis and Anne followed Dr. Hill out, while Harry changed. Meanwhile Harry only had one thing on his mind:

How was he going to keep this up?


	13. Chapter 13

I'm going to try POV for this chapter. Please comment or message me and tell me whether you prefer POV or third person. Please comment so I know which to use for the next chapters. Thanks jellybean's!  
Louis' POV  
5 days later  
I helped Anne finish making our lunches. I placed the plates on the coffee table in the living room. Anne came in placing the last plate on the coffee table, followed by our drinks. How she managed to carry all that I'm not sure, it must be a mum thing. Anne sat down and I walked over to Harry's room. I knocked on the door and, after receiving no answer, I pushed the door open. Harry was doing jumping jacks and counting under his breath. I heard, '500' before I had had enough. I coughed loudly and Harry turned to face me.  
"Oh," Harry mumbled, "what's up?"  
"Did you time how long you worked out for?" I asked, "You're supposed to monitor your exercise and not go over 30 minutes a day."  
"Um, yeah," Harry shifted his feet, "It's been 5 minutes."  
"Harry," I sighed, "are you lying?"  
"No!" Harry gritted his teeth.  
"Alright come on into the living room for lunch," I said.  
"Um, I'm not really feeling good," he mumbled, "I'm just going to take a nap."  
"Harry you have to eat something," I said, "it's part of the rules. If you want to avoid the hospital you have to eat. Besides we are off break and tomorrow we have an interview. We don't want you passing out on us, do we?"  
"No," he sighed.  
Harry followed me into the living room and sat on a chair next to the couch. I sat down next to Anne on the couch and grabbed my sandwich. I looked at Harry. He was slowly picking the sandwich apart into little pieces, but I didn't care. If he ate it I don't care how he ate it. I focused my attention back on my food, a sandwich and carrot sticks. The lunch was quiet. I think Anne and I were both thinking that we shouldn't risk saying something that might keep Harry from eating.  
"I'm finished," Harry said a little while later. I looked at his plate. The carrot sticks and the sandwich were gone, as was his water.  
"Good job Harry," I smiled.  
"Uh, thanks," he said, "I'm going to go change and head to the gym."  
"Okay," I said, "I'll see you in twenty five minutes."  
"Yeah, okay," Harry said.  
I watched him walk into his bedroom and close the door.  
"Should I go see if he purges?" I asked Anne.  
"I think that's a good idea," she smiled.  
I went to Harry's door and pressed my ear to the door. I know that wasn't the bathroom, but Dr. Hill had told me he could purge in garbage bags as well as the toilet. I listened, but all I heard was Harry moving around. 10 or so minutes later I could here harry coming towards the door. I backed up and leaned against the wall. A second later the door opened, revealing Harry who was dressed in sweat and a sweatshirt. He had his trainers on his feet, no duh, and his phone and keys in his hands. He looked strangely at me, but shook his head and walked past me right out the door, mumbling a quiet 'goodbye' before closing the door.  
Harry's POV  
I closed the door to my room and walked to my closet. I pulled out a plastic bag and began emptying my pockets. I had stuffed all my lunch in them when no one was looking. After tying the bag and shoving it back in the closet, I would take it outside to the garbage later, I grabbed a pair of sweats and my trainers. I changed slowly, the dizziness was bad today, and opened my door. I saw Louis leaning against the wall, looking at me. I gave him a look, but decided to keep my mouth shut. Right now I needed to focus on working out. I walked out the door, mumbling a quick, 'goodbye' and out to my car. I drove to the gym in silence, except for the radio of course.  
"Hello Harry," Elaina, a trainer, smiled.

"Hello Elaina," I said.  
"Harry can I talk to you for a minute?" She asked.  
"Yeah," I said, "but just for a minute."  
I followed her into the trainers office. She sat down on her seat and motioned for me to sit in the chair across from her. I did as she wanted and took a seat.  
"So," Elaina started, "I've noticed you've been losing quite a lot of weight and you've been spending numerous hours in the gym. I'm worried you may be developing an eating disorder Harry."  
I clenched my fists, "I can promise you that I am in perfect health and I am eating fine. Now, I really do need to go and work out. Thank you for your concern. Bye Elaina."  
I walked out of the office and back to the workout area. Hmm what to get on?  
Get on the treadmill and then the stairs.  
I hesitated for a moment, waiting for the dizziness to pass.  
NOW YOU FAT ARSE!  
Yes Ana.  
I got to the treadmill and turned the speed to 5mph.  
Put it on 6.5 mph.  
but Ana-  
No buts! Do you want to lose weight and be perfect or stay fat and worthless?  
I want to lose weight and be perfect Ana.  
Good now run faster!

Louis' POV  
It's been two hours! He should have been home and hour and half ago. I was currently pacing around the living room. Anne was doing laundry, hey she wanted to I didn't ask. I couldn't get my mind off Harry. He's my best friend. No! He's my brother. I couldn't keep letting him do this. I heard the phone rang and Anne answer it. I just shrugged it off and kept pacing. A minute later I heard a gasp and Anne ran into the living room.  
"Louis," she cried, tears running down her cheeks, "Harry collapsed at the gym. He was on the treadmill and he just collapsed. They called an ambulance and are taking him to the hospital as we speak. Get the other boys and let's go!"  
My mind slowed down. I couldn't hear anything around me. All I was thinking about was Harry. I moved on automatic to get the other boys and we drove, with Anne, to the hospital. The whole time the only thing on my mind was Harry and if he was going to be alright.


	14. Chapter 14

Louis' POV  
"Hello," a pretty receptionist greeted, "who are you here to see?"  
"Harry Styles," I said frantically.  
She typed the name into her computer and then looked back up at me, "room 305."  
"Thank you," I mumbled, before bolting down the hall, the boys hot on my trail.  
I reached his room, but paused. Weird huh? I run down the hall as fast as humanly possible, well maybe not that fast, but as soon as I reach his room I start freaking out. I'm just scared as to what I was going to see. Was he going to be sitting up laughing with a nurse or was he going to be unconscious with machines attached to almost every part of him? One way to find out. I opened the door and looked inside. A doctor was hovering over Harry, who was still unconscious, and taking down numbers. He looked up at me and gave a slight smile.  
"Please come in," he said, "I'm Dr. Denal."  
"I'm Louis," I said, "and this is Zayn, Liam, Niall, and Harry's mum Anne."  
"It's nice to meet you madame and boys," Dr. Denal said.  
"Dr. Denal could you please tell us what happened to my son?" Anne asked.  
"Of course. Would you like me to tell you privately or with the boys present?"  
"The boys are as much family to Harry as I am, well almost, so they need to hear this," Anne said.  
"Alright," Dr. Denal said, "what happened to Mr. Styles here is that he has bradycardia which is a low heart rate. His heart rate at the moment is 37. Anything under 60 is considered too low. He also has an abnormal heart rhythm. His heart rate is going all over the place. He has had quite a few spikes in his heart rate where they went well over a hundred, but the majority of his heart rate is under 60 where the bradycardia comes in. Also, I'm sure you are aware of this, he is dangerously underweight. We haven't been able to take his weight, seeing as he is unconscious, but from his chart and from glancing at him it is obvious he is severely malnourished. The last thing that I would like to say it that we found scars and cuts, some old some fresh, covering his thighs, stomach, some of his chest, and his upper biceps. I'm not even going to pretend it could be from anything else. It's obvious he has been self harming for quite awhile now."  
"I actually thought he might have been," I admitted, "but I had no proof."  
"Has he been showing any signs or symptoms of an eating disorder?" Dr. Denal asked.  
"Yeah," Liam said, "a lot actually. He's been refusing to eat, obviously losing quite a bit of weight, and he's been spending about 4 hours a day at the gym."  
"That's not all," I muttered, "he's been purging too. As for symptoms his hair has been thinning quite a lot, he's always cold, he thinks he's fat, and he's always dizzy."  
"I see," Dr. Denal frowned, "I think it's safe for me to diagnose Harry with Anorexia Nervosa."  
Our eyes widened and Niall, oh Niall, was the first to speak up, "but that's a girls disease!"  
"Niall are you aware that 10% of people suffering with anorexia are male?" Dr. Denal asked.  
"I am now," Niall blushed.  
"It's alright, Niall. Not many people are well informed with eating disorders. Now, I'll let you visit. Anne may I please speak with you in the hall? I believe we need to discuss Harry's treatment plan, since I assume he will not want to stay in the hospital."  
"Of course," Anne smiled, following him out of the room.  
We all looked at each other, unsure of what to do. There was a couch in the room, as well as a few chairs, so we all sat down. Liam, Niall, and Zayn were on the couch while I was sitting in a chair next to Harry. I put my hand on his hand and gave it a squeeze. I'm not sure how long we sat there, but I sure as heck wasn't leaving. Suddenly I could feel a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Anne's sad face.  
"Hey sweetie," she said, "the boys are going down to the cafeteria for food. Would you like to go with them?"  
"I'm not leaving Harry," I said.  
"I figured you'd say that," she laughed, "how about while the boys are in the cafeteria we talk about Harry's treatment plan. I think you need to know since you're living with him."  
"I would want to know even if I was a hundred miles away," I said, watching the other boys file out of the room.  
"I know you would," Anne smiled, "that's one of the reasons I'm so glad Harry has you in his life. The treatment plan for Harry is simple. He can stay at home, provided he doesn't lose more weight. He has to eat three meals a day and two snacks. He can exercise for 30 minutes a day as long as he eats those meals, if he doesn't he isn't allowed any exercise. Harry has to go to counseling once a week and, when you go back to touring, you have to find a counselor who can go with you. He's also going to be weighed and have his vitals taken once a week."  
"Simple?" I laughed, "How is that simple? And how are we going to get Harry to agree with it?"  
"I'm not sure," she admitted, "but we have to find a way. We can't lose him Louis."

"I know," I mumbled, "when can we take him home?"  
"As soon as he wakes up they said we could take him home and get a proper meal into him," Anne said.  
"I suppose I should probably go home and try to make some dinner then," I sighed, not wanting to leave Harry.  
"From what I've heard, and seen, you're more likely to blow up the kitchen then to make dinner," she laughed.  
"Not nice," I said. I then stuck my tongue out at her.  
"But true," she smiled.  
"Maybe," I said.  
"We could argue all day, but I'm going to go to the flat and make some dinner. How does chicken with steamed vegetables and some brown rice sound?" She asked.  
"Healthy," I told her.  
"That's the point. Harry would probably be more likely to eat healthy food than unhealthy food," she explained.  
"And he'd be more likely to eat nothing than healthy food," I muttered.  
"What was that?" Anne asked, a hand going to her ear.  
"Nothing," I mumbled.  
Anne just shook her head, laughing softly. She left the room and, I'm sure, headed to the car she and I drove to the hospital in. I looked back at Harry. He seemed to have a little more color in his face then when I first entered the room, that is if white is a color. I put my hand on his and, once again, gave it a gentle squeeze. I pulled my phone out with my other hand and started playing a game when...I felt something squeezing my hand. I looked down to see Harry's eyes partially opened. He looked at me and managed a weak smile.  
"H-hey Lou," he all but whispered.  
"Hey Haz," I smiled.  
"W-where am I-I?"  
"Harry," I frowned, "you're in the hospital. You passed out at the gym and were brought here. The doctor diagnosed you with Anorexia Nervosa and gave your mum a plan to follow for your recovery."  
"Well, the doctor is an idiot," Harry said, regaining strength, "because there is no way in hell I have anorexia."  
"Harry," I sighed, "don't lie. It's so obvious that you do. Even if you aren't ready to admit it we all know the truth."  
Harry looked as though he was about to argue when his face changed. Tears formed in his eyes and rolled down his cheek.  
"I just don't know what happened, Lou," he cried, "it started off as a diet, but then it became an obsession. Ana was constantly telling me I wasn't good enough, but that she would make me perfect. I want to recover, really, but I'm so scared to lose Ana. I'm scared I'm going to be even fatter than I am now. It's the same thing with cutting. Ana told me I deserve to be punished and that cutting was a great way to deal with the paint hat starving brought. I don't know any other ways to cope."  
I was shocked. Harry had just admitted he had anorexia. I never thought this would happen.  
"Harry you are not fat," I said, "you are beyond skinny and it's scary to see the way your ribs and spine and any other bones in your body stick out. You have never been fat. You've always been so muscular and beautiful. You think you were disgusting at 160 pounds, but you have to realize that was the man I feel in love with, although I love you now so much. As for the cutting you are worth so much more. There are so many more ways to cope and I'm prepared to help you find one even if it takes the rest of my life because I never want to be apart from you. I love you."  
(Author's Note- As you can see from both my stories I am a huge Larry Stylinson shipper, even though I ship Elounor too. I just know more about Harry than I do Eleanor so it's easier to write about him. Hope you don't mind. Anyway back to the story jellybean's!)  
NO! I did not just say that. I can't believe I just professed my love to my best friend! I mean I know I've been in love with him for awhile, but I shouldn't have sprung it on him. Especially when he is in the fucking hospital. I looked at Harry who's eyes were wide. Oh gosh...He's probably thinking about how disgusting that is. He probably hates me now. What if he never talks to me again? What if he wants me to move out? What if-?  
"Louis," Harry was gently shaking me.  
"Hm?" I asked.  
"Did you hear what I said?"  
"No," I mumbled.  
Harry opened his mouth and I prepared for rejection. He shut it once before opening it again and saying,  
"I love you too."


	15. Chapter 15

Harry's POV

"I love you too."

Louis looked at me with tears in his eyes. Yeah, I love Louis. I have ever since the X-Factor and knowing he loves me back makes me feel soooo good. But, he doesn't really love you. Shut up Ana. You're a worthless piece of crap and not even God himself is capable of loving you. You're a liar Ana, a big mean liar. Am I Harry? Am I really? I've always been the one that was honest with you. When everyone else said you were too skinny I told you the truth, that you're a fat arse. When everyone said they loved you I was the only honest one; they don't really love you. So, think this through Harry. Who's really the liar; me or Louis? I-I don't know.

"Harry?"

"Huh, what?" I asked.

"What are you thinking?" Louis asked.

"Do you really love me Louis? Or are you just trying to break me further?" I mumbled.

The look on Louis' face made me want to cry. He looked so shocked.

"Haz," he said, "of course I really love you. Why did you even feel the need to ask? Who's making you question me?"

"Ana," I mumbled, "she told me that everyone else is lying and that she's the only one who tells me the truth."

"Harry it's the exact opposite. Ana is lying to you Harry. You aren't fat you're a skeleton and it's damn scary. And it's not true that people don't love you. Everyone who knows you loves you, hell even people who have never met you love you. Especially me. I love you so much Harry and whatever Ana is saying she is a lying bitch!"

"R-really?" I choked.

"Absolutely," Louis smiled, planting a soft kiss to my forehead.

"Thanks Lou," I smiled, "when can I leave?"

"Dr. Denal told me to alert a nurse when you wake up so they can start your discharge paperwork," he said, "you can go home as soon as that's finished."

"Okay," I said, "please go get the nurse. I want out of here!"

Louis laughed, "I'm going. I'm going."

I watched him walk out the door and, I hope, go towards the nurses station. Thoughts began to swirl around my head. What was my treatment plan? How much food was I going to have to eat? How much weight were they going to make me gain? Most importantly, was I even ready for recovery?

Half of me was saying yes. That half wanted recovery. That half was tired of all these horrible symptoms; always being cold, fatigue, dizziness. There was, however, another part of me arguing with that half. That part was Ana. Ana told me these symptoms were proof that I was making progress. She told me recovery was really another way of saying 'getting fatter'. Ana told me if I gave in I would never be perfect. And perfection was something I craved with all my heart.

"Harry Styles?" A nurse, Kathleen, asked.

"Yes ma'am," I smiled.

"I'm here to remove your IV and heart monitor," she said.

"Okay," I mumbled.

I watched her peel the tape off the IV and Louis held my hand as she pulled the needle out. Although, I did wince slightly. She put the needle in the waste box. She then peeled off the little round sticky things that, apparently, connected me to a heart monitor. Once that was done she let me take the oxygen monitor on my finger and handed me my clothes to get dressed. I got up quickly and feel right back onto the bed, everything going black. I didn't pass out completely, though, and I was grateful for that.

"Here," Louis held out his hand, "let me help you up. You're probably still weak from earlier."

I grabbed his hand and mumbled a 'thanks'. I looked at him and then I motioned towards the door.

"Harry," Louis sighed, "it's not like I've never seen you naked before. You used to get undressed all the time."

"I know," I frowned, "but I don't want you seeing how big I am or all the cuts and scars."

"How many times am I going to have to tell you this?" Louis asked, "You are not fat! You're a fucking skeleton. As for your cuts I already know that the doctor said you had lots of them. Now, strip."

I frowned, really not wanting to get undressed in front of Louis. He raised his eyebrows and I groaned in defeat. I slowly pulled the gown over my head.

Louis' POV

Harry slipped the hospital gown over his head and I stepped back in shock. A silent gasp escaped my lips. Harry was so thin. No, thin didn't even begin to cover it. His ribs, hip bones, spine, collarbones, and any other bones were sticking out so sharply I was amazed they hadn't ripped his skin open. I looked at his thighs, stomach, chest, and upper biceps and noted hundreds of scars as well as multiple fresh cuts. I couldn't believe it. Harry, my perfect and beautiful Harry, was hurting himself so badly. His once perfect skin was so scarred I wanted to cry, but he was still so perfect to me.

"Louis could you please pass me my shirts and jumper?" A shaking Harry asked. Poor baby was cold.

"Sure," I said, grabbing his three shirts and jumper.

Harry dressed quickly, or as quickly as he could without fainting, and sat back down on the hospital bed to wait for Kathleen to release him. I sat down next to him and put my hand on his. He looked at me with a smile on his face and kissed my lips softly. I returned the gesture and a moment later, after an amazing kiss, pulled away grinning. Almost as soon as we pulled away Kathleen walked in, followed by Liam, Zayn, and Niall.

"You are free to go Harry," Kathleen smiled.

"Great," Harry smiled, "let's go."

"Not so fast," Kathleen laughed, "I'm going to wheel you down."

Apparently that was the first Harry noticed of the wheelchair. He shook his head furiously, his curls going every which way, and frowned.

"I'm sorry Harry, but that's the rules," she said, "would you rather stay at the hospital."

"That got Harry's attention," I laughed, watching Harry jump up and run to wheelchair.

We walked through the hospital and into the parking lot. I pulled the car up to the curb and all the boys got into the car. We thanked Kathleen and she wished Harry a speedy recovery, yeah right. I pulled out of the hospital parking lot and drove towards our flat. Suddenly something occurred to me, we were in Harry's car and Harry didn't drive here.

"Niall, Liam, Zayn," I asked suspiciously.

"What's up Louis?" Niall asked.

"How exactly did you guys get to the hospital?" I asked.

"Well, I drove," Niall mumbled.

"But you don't have a license," I stated.

"I know," he said, "but it was an emergency."

"Niall you shouldn't have driven here, especially not in Harry's car," I sighed, "how did you even get Harry's keys?"

"We walked to the gym and the lady at the front gave us Harry's keys," Liam explained, "she said he dropped them when he passed out. We just figured it would be an easier way to get to the hospital than the bus."

"Fine," I frowned, "but don't do that again. It's not only illegal, but if you get pulled over you could get in trouble for having Harry's car."

"Sorry," Niall mumbled.

We pulled up to the flats and got out of the car, I made sure Zayn helped Harry get out. We walked up to Harry and I's flat. I opened the door and Anne came out of the kitchen, smiling. The rest of the boys came in and sat on the couch. Harry leaned against the wall for a moment, attempting to catch his breath. I frowned, wondering how he managed to exercise for 4 hours straight when he could barely walk up a few flights of stairs, and watched him sit on the chair near the couch. I sat down next to Harry, it was a big chair, and watched him laugh at something Niall had said. About five minutes later I saw Harry begin to pale and shake as Anne said,

"Boys, dinner is ready."


	16. Chapter 16

Harry's POV  
I followed the boys into the kitchen. My mum had chicken, rice, and vegetables on the counter for everyone to serve themselves. I looked at Louis, who was right in front of me, and noticed he had two plates. After looking at all the other boys and my mum, who only had one plate, I just had to ask Louis what was up.  
"Lou?" I asked.  
"Yeah Haz?" He asked, piling vegetables on both plates.  
"Why do you have two plates?"  
"One of them is for you," he said, as though it was obvious.  
"I'm capable of getting my own food," I sighed.  
"I know," he said, "but you have to have a certain amount of each food and I know you wouldn't put that much food on your plate."  
I looked at 'my' plate and noticed all the food on it.  
"Damn right I wouldn't," I muttered.  
Louis handed me my plate and I followed him back into the living room. I sat on the couch with Louis, Zayn, and Niall. My mum and Liam were sitting in the two chairs on the sides of the couch. Everyone was eating their food and I stared at mine. Was I ready for this? Surely I couldn't be expected to eat ALL this food!? Could I?  
"Dig in Harry," Liam smiled.  
"Yeah," Niall agrees, "this is great, Anne."  
"Thank you Niall," mum smiled, "Harry please eat something. I don't want to have to take you back to the hospital."  
"Y-yes mum," I mumbled.  
I picked my fork up and stabbed a piece of zucchini. Bringing the fork to my lips I paused. Vegetables were supposed to be safe foods, meaning I wasn't supposed to feel this worried about eating them. But, now, nothing was a safe food. Every food was dangerous, no matter how little calories. I took a deep breath and shoved the zucchini in my mouth. I chewed slowly and then swallowed. I continued the process until all of my vegetables were gone. I felt sick and I didn't know how I was going to finish the rest of the food. Looking around I noticed everyone else's plates were empty. How long had I taken to eat those veggies?  
"Good job Haz," Louis smiled, "keep going."  
"I feel sick Lou," I groaned.  
"I know it must be hard Harry, but you have to eat," Zayn said.  
"But I-"  
"Harry you have to eat," Liam sighed, "please don't fight."  
I picked my fork up, again, and stuck it into a piece of chicken. I brought the fork to my mouth and, after watching Liam rush off to answer his phone, I placed it in my mouth. It was chewy and bland. I kept going until my food was gone. I felt mixed feelings looking at my empty plate. I felt proud that I'd eaten a balanced meal, but I also felt disgusting and heavy.  
"Good work Harry!" My mum beamed, taking our plates.  
I smiled at the proud looks on my friends faces. I adjusted on the couch, trying to get comfortable. My stomach was aching, since it had shrunk from lack of food, and suddenly I could feel my food crawling back up my throat. I got up and bolted to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before the contents of my stomach were released. I could feel a cool wash cloth on the back of my neck and I saw Louis' frowning face. He began rubbing circles on my back and I threw up the rest of my dinner. Eventually I could see blood coming up and I finally felt my stomach calm down. I wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet. Turning to Louis I gave him a shaky smile.  
"I-I'm sorry," I mumbled.  
"Harry it isn't your fault. You ate all your dinner and that's what we asked for. It isn't your fault you threw up. If you had purged I would have been furious, but you didn't so it's okay. We'll just have to give you lighter meals that won't upset your stomach as much," Louis said.  
"When did you get so wise?" I laughed.  
"When I realized that I had to do something to help you recover from your eating disorder," he frowned.  
"I-I love you Lou," I choked, tears welling up in my eyes.  
"I love you too," Louis smiled, kissing my sweaty forehead.  
I got up shakily, with Louis' help, and sat down on the counter to keep from passing out. Why I am always so dizzy? Gee, maybe because you haven't been eating and you just puked your fucking guts out! Oh, right. I looked at Louis with a frown on my face. He took the washcloth from my neck and began wiping the sweat off of my forehead.  
"T-thanks," I stuttered.  
"Of course love," Louis grinned, "how are you feeling?"  
"S-shaky, weak, and s-sick," I groaned.  
"I can tell," he said, "you look awful. Come on let's get you into bed. You've already got sweats on so you can just sleep in these clothes."  
"O-okay," I said.  
He helped me off the bathroom counter and slowly made our way to my bedroom. I climbed into my bed and Louis propped pillows behind me so I was sitting up. He started to walk away, but I grabbed his hand.  
"S-stay please," I pleaded.  
"Alright," Louis smiled, climbing into bed next to me.  
I cuddled close to him and placed my head on his shoulder. Louis put his arms around me and pulled me into his lap. I snuggled close and smiled. Lately I'd been trying to stay away from people touching me, but with Louis I just felt so safe. Like nothing could ever hurt me. It was nice. I was just about to close my eyes when Liam walked in. He didn't look very happy.  
"I just got off the phone with Paul," he said, "we have an interview tomorrow at 10."  
"Okay," Louis said.  
"Now," Liam said, anger in his voice, "did he purge? Don't lie. It's obvious he's thrown up."  
"Yes he did throw up," Louis sighed, "but no, he didn't purge. The food came out on it's own will."  
"But why?" Liam asked, no longer angry but worried.  
"I think we forced to much food into his shrunken stomach," Louis explained, "We should probably try to keep his food lighter and have him eat small amounts more frequently."  
"When did you become the smart one?" Liam laughed.  
"That's what I asked him," I said, "yes! I'm not stuttering."  
"No you aren't love," Louis smiled, "but you still sound, and look, weak. Why don't you have an early night in and try to get some sleep?"  
"Sounds wonderful," I said.  
Louis smiled and slowly climbed out of bed. I wanted him to stay, but I didn't fight him. I was too tired. I managed to watch Louis and Liam exit the room and close the door before my eyes closed and I was fast asleep.

I looked at the clock and groaned.  
3:12  
I thought about going back to sleep, but I soon realized I was wide awake. Hmm, what to do? I was about to go back and try to sleep anyway when that voice started in my head. Ana's voice.  
Go to the gym.  
But Ana it's only three a.m.  
So? It's a twenty four hour gym. Plus Elaina won't be there to bother you.  
But I want to get better.  
Do you really? You do know that your body absorbed some of the calories you ate tonight. You think you puked all of them up, but at least 1/3 of them were absorbed into your body and made into fat. Is that what you want Harry? To be a fat, worthless, pathetic blob? You don't really think that Louis cares do you? He's just saying that because he wants to be better than you. He know that if you keep losing weight you'll be better than him soon. He doesn't really love you. Now, are you ready to go work out?  
Yes Ana  
Don't you feel stupid for considering recovery?  
Yes Ana. I'll never do that again.

Good. Now hurry up and get changed fat arse!

I rolled out of bed and got up slowly. I changed into another pair of sweats, 2 different shirts, and a jumper. I grabbed my phone, headphones, and keys and then walked out the door and headed to the gym.


	17. Chapter 17

Louis' POV  
I opened my eyes and stared at the clock.  
6:52 a.m.  
Why am I up this early? Oh, that's right, it's because of the fact that I went to bed some time before nine last night. Oh well, I may as well do something productive. I climbed off my bed, Anne had to go home last night, and stretched. I walked into the living room, where the boys had all crashed last night, and laughed. Zayn was sleeping normally on the couch, but Niall and Liam were practically on top of one another. I laughed again, they were so in love! I walked to Harry's room, thinking I could slip in bed with him, and pushed the door open quietly.  
"Harry mind if I-" I stopped abruptly, noticing his bed was empty.  
"WHAT THE HELL!?" I screamed.  
I could hear footsteps and within a few seconds Niall, Liam, and Zayn were standing in the doorframe.  
"What's wrong Lou?" Zayn asked, eyes worried.  
"Harry's missing!" I gasped, beginning to hyperventilate.  
"What do you mean he's missing?" Liam asked.  
"I mean, he's not in his room," I said.  
"Where could he have gone?" Niall asked, he then suggested, "maybe he went out to get food."  
"Yeah Niall," I snapped, "I'm sure that's exactly where I would go if I was anorexic!"  
"Oops," he mumbled, "I forgot. Sorry."  
"It's fine," I sighed, "but where would you go if you were anorexic?"  
"Is he in the bathroom?" Zayn asked.  
"HARRY! ARE YOU IN THE BATHROOM?" I shouted.  
No response.  
"That's a no," Liam muttered.  
"Where else could he be?" I frowned.  
Liam's eyes widened, "do you think he went to the gym?"  
"What!? No way! He told me last night that he wanted to recover," I said.  
"Well," Zayn sighed, "he might have wanted to recover yesterday, but that doesn't mean that he wants to today. At least the anorexia doesn't want him to."  
"That was really smart," I told him, "I wish that wasn't true, though."  
"So," Niall frowned, "what do we do now?"  
"We have two options," Liam said, "we can either stay here and make some breakfast or head over to the gym and confirm that Harry is there."  
"I vote for breakfast!" Niall announced.  
"There's a shocker," I muttered, "I think you guys should stay here and make breakfast while I go and check the gym for Harry."  
"That sounds like a plan," Zayn said.  
I nodded and walked back into my room. I changed into a fresh pair of boxers and put clothes on, obviously. I grabbed my keys and phone and headed out the door to my car. The drive to the gym was nerve wracking. I was so worried about Harry. Just yesterday he was in the hospital and now he's back at the gym. Why did the workers at the gym even let him in if they knew he was sent to the hospital via ambulance yesterday. Idiots, I thought. I pulled into the parking lot and checked the clock. 7:30. How long had I talked to the boys? It was only like a ten minute drive from our flat so I must have talked to them for awhile. Walking into the gym I couldn't see Harry. Hmm, maybe he's not here.

"Hi Louis," one of the greeters, Mia, smiled, "Harry's over there on the treadmill."  
She pointed to the row of treadmills and I frowned, seeing Harry running so fast. I guess he is here.  
"Harry," I frowned, "why are you here so early?"  
Harry's eyes widened, but he continued to run as he spoke.  
"Couldn't sleep," he panted.  
"How long have you been here?"  
"Since 3:30," he said.  
"Harry you've been here for four hours," I gasped, "come on. It's time to come home. We have an interview later."  
"But I'm being punished," Harry mumbled.  
"What do you mean you're being punished?" I asked, really confused.  
"Ana is punishing me for eating dinner last night," he continued, tears welling up in his eyes although it could have been from the running.  
I reached over and turned of the stupid treadmill and watched Harry slow down to a stop.  
"Harry," I said, "you didn't even keep your dinner down. I know it was an accident you threw up, but it still happened."  
"I know, but I'm being punished for eating dinner not keeping it down," Harry looked so helpless.  
"You poor thing," I frowned, "Ana really is cruel."  
"Can, can you help me to the car? I feel really weak," he asked.  
"Of course curly! How about we go through the Starbucks drive through and get some coffee and breakfast?" I asked, placing an arm around him and helping him to the car.  
"I don't want a donut or muffin," Harry frowned, allowing me to hold up his frail body.  
"They have stuff other than donuts and muffins," I laughed, "they have breakfast sandwhiches."  
"Okay," he said, "I'll try, but I make no promise that I can finish it."  
"Just do your best Haz," I smiled, "besides Anne picked up some ensure before she left yesterday. If you don't finish your breakfast you can, well actually you have to, have a can of that."  
"But there's like three hundred calories in those," he protested.  
"I know, but you need to gain weight," I sighed, "now, buckle up and we'll hit the road."  
Liam's POV  
"I just got a text from Louis," I told Zayn and Niall.  
"What did he say?" Niall asked, gosh he's adorable. Wait! I never thought that, nope I did not!  
"Liam?"  
"Huh, what?" I asked, coming back to reality.  
"What did Louis say?" Zayn asked.  
"Oh. He said that he and Harry just went through the drive through at Starbucks and now they're sitting in the car, outside of Starbucks, eating. They'll be back soon though," I said.  
"Harry's eating?" Zayn asked, eyes wide.  
"Well, Harry is drinking a black coffee and Lou is trying to get him to eat his food," I explained.  
"I didn't know Harry liked black coffee," Niall pouted. Oh gosh. I wanted to kiss him so bad!  
"That's what I told Louis," I said, "he told me that it's the only thing Harry would drink because it had like five calories."  
"That's stupid," Niall shook his head, "if you like the taste it's worth any amount of calories."  
"Not to Harry," Zayn muttered.  
"Not to the anorexia," I corrected him.  
"Yeah," Zayn agreed, "I think I'm going to go and make some breakfast. Well, I'm going to make a bowl of cereal. It's too early for anything else."  
"It's never too early for food," Niall scoffed.  
"Your opinion not mine," Zayn laughed, walking into the kitchen and leaving Niall and I alone.  
Niall patted the spot next to him and motioned for me to join him on the couch. I sat down, leaving a little space between us. I couldn't handle being to close to him. It gave my spine shivers. I looked at Niall, who was frowning slightly, and watched him scoot closer to me. Our thighs were touching and I could feel my body heating up. Oh gosh.  
"N-Niall," I croaked.  
"What's wrong?" Niall looked hurt, "Do you not want me close to you?"  
"It's not that," I said, recovering from my shock.  
"What is it then?" He whispered into my ear and shivers went down my spine as I felt his lips touch my ear. What was he playing at?  
"It's just, um. What are you playing at Niall?" I blurted, covering my mouth with my hands almost instantly.  
Niall looked hurt and I felt horrible for making him sad.  
"What do you mean?" He frowned.  
"It's just recently you've been a lot more...touchy," I mumbled, "almost like you're flirting with me."  
I waited for disgust to register in his features, but it never came. Instead he laughed.  
"What's so funny?" I asked, confused.  
"You really are stupid Li," Niall was still laughing, "I mean, don't get me wrong. I know you're smart, but how can you not see it?"  
"Not see what?" I asked.  
"The reason it seems like I've been flirting with you is because I have been flirting with you," he said, calming down from his laugh-a-thon.  
"What? Why?" I was shocked at what I was hearing. Niall was flirting with me? Could he actually like me? Am I dreaming?  
"Well," Niall smiled, "why is it people flirt with other people? Because they like them silly. I've had a crush on you for a long time, but lately I decided to test the waters and see if the feeling is mutual. Is it?"  
I laughed, "hell yes it is!"  
"R-Really?" Niall's eyes were wide.  
"Yeah," I mumbled, "I've liked you for a long time, but I figured there was no way you would like me. I mean-"  
"Hey Li?"  
"Yeah?" I asked.  
Niall smirked, "shut up and kiss me."  
My eyes widened, but I happily obliged. Our lips met with mutual excitement and passion. His lips were soft and moist from licking them. Soon I could feel his tongue pressed up against my lips and I opened my mouth, letting our tongues collide and tangle together. His hands began going under my shirt and I felt my hands slip under his. He let out a loud moan and I chuckled, pleased that I had that effect on him. As our tongues tangled and our hands explored one another's body the rest of the world was shut out. Of course the moment had to be ruined though.  
"Hey guys I poured you some cereal- What the heck is going on in here!?"  
We pulled apart, blushing furiously. Niall's so cute when he blushes. Wait, bad time Liam. I looked at Zayn, who had to bowls of cereal in his hands, and my blush deepened.  
"Well," he said, "anyone going to explain."  
"I will!" Niall exclaimed, smiling.  
"Liam Payne," he continued, "will you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?"  
"Nothing would make me happier," I beamed.  
"Well, there's your explanation," Niall smiled, "Liam and I are dating."  
"Finally," Zayn laughed, handing us our cereal, "you guys were so obvious. I'm glad you're finally together, but please save the make out sessions for when I'm not here."  
"Sir yes sir," Niall saluted, just as the door to the flat opened.


	18. Chapter 18

Louis' POV  
I opened the door to the flat and Harry followed me inside. I walked past the boys and into the kitchen. I threw the leftovers of Harry's breakfast away. Harry had taken two, insanely small, bites of his breakfast sandwich. Well, he took two bites of the egg and cheese. He had refused to eat any of the sausage patty or the bread. I grabbed an ensure from the fridge and a cup from the cupboard. I poured all but an ounce or two into the cup. I know, it's a little weird that I didn't just give Harry the entire ensure, but this way I can tell harry it's not an entire ensure since he ate two bites of egg. Placing the, almost empty, bottle back in the fridge I walked back to the living room and handed it to Harry, wh0 was now sitting on the couch with Niall and Liam. I sat down in a chair, opposite of Zayn, and waited for Harry to drink it.  
"What is that?" Niall asked, looking confused.  
"It's ensure," I told him.  
"Okay, but what's it for?" He was, obviously, still confused.  
"It's a drink that's supposed to give a person who can't, or won't, eat all the nutrients they need in a meal," Liam explained.  
"I see," Niall nodded, "how's it taste Harry?"  
Harry, who was slowly drinking his ensure, shrugged, "it's pretty good. It's not too heavy so that's nice."  
"Do you think you'll be able to keep it down?" Zayn asked.  
"I...don't know. I think I can keep it down, but I-I'm scared to," he mumbled.  
"Why are you scared to?" Gosh Niall is clueless.  
"Ana," Harry whispered, but we all caught it.  
"Oh Harry," I frowned, watching his eyes well up with tears, "come sit with me."  
I scooted over to the edge of the chair, although I didn't need to considering how small Harry was. Harry fidgeted on the couch and shook his head.  
"Why not?" I asked.  
"I'm too big," he frowned, "I won't fit in that spot."  
"Harry we could fit two of you in that spot," I sighed, "now come sit with me."  
"Okay," Harry gave in.  
He got up and, after stumbling slightly from what I assume was dizziness, walked over to me. He sat down in the chair and my eyes widened when I saw that we really could have fit two of him in that spot. I wrapped my arm around him and checked his cup. He was about half way done, which made me smile. Harry snuggled closer to me and looked me in the eyes.  
"Louis?"  
"Yeah Harry?"  
"Will you still love me when I reach the weight the doctor wants me at?" He asked nervously.  
"Of course I will Harry," I smiled, "I've loved you for so long and I loved you when you were 160 just as much as I love you now, but I do have to say that you looked so much better and healthier at 160 than you do now."  
"What do I look like now?" He frowned, "All I see is fat."  
"Harry," I said, "you have absolutely no fat on you. Your ribs stick out painfully, as does your spine. Your hipbones are so visible and sharp looking I'm shocked they haven't pierced open your skin. Every bone in your body is visible and it's so scary."  
"I wish I could see it," he sighed, "it would be so much easier to recover if I could see that I was sick."  
"Harry?" Liam asked, "Do you know you're sick? I mean I understand you can't see it, but can you feel that you're sick?"  
"Yeah," Harry sighed, "I know that a person shouldn't be this dizzy, their hair shouldn't be so brittle, and it's not normal to be so afraid of food and gaining weight. It's just hard because even though I know it's not normal Ana is always trying to convince me that I'm fine and everyone who wants to help me really just wants to ruin me."  
"Wow," Zayn said, "that's insane."  
"So you really are afraid of food?" Niall asked, looking as though that was the most shocking thing he'd ever heard.  
"Yeah," Harry said, "Ana pretty much has me convinced that food is the enemy. I really hate having to eat. This is just so hard."  
"Shh, baby it's okay," I whispered, kissing his curls.  
Harry smiled and gave me a soft peck on the lips, then pulled away frowning.  
"What are we Lou?" He frowned.  
"How would you feel being my boyfriend?" I smiled.  
"I would love that."  
"Wonderful," I murmured, kissing his curls once again as the doorbell rang.  
"It's probably Paul," Liam said, "is everyone ready?"  
We all mumbled a 'yes'. Harry handed me his cup and I saw that it was empty. I smiled and reached for his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze. We all got up and went to the door. Liam opened it to reveal Paul. He smiled and we all said our greetings, before going out the flat and heading to the interview.  
Harry's POV  
(Skipping to the boys getting ready for their interview)  
Walking out of the bathroom I walked over to where Lou was doing Louis' hair. I looked down at my clothes, somehow they always managed to have the clothes in my size even with the weight I kept losing. Today I was wearing a pair of black jeans and a black shirt with a blazer. It looked nice, but I was absolutely freezing.  
"Harry are you alright? You're shaking," Lou frowned.  
"I'm alright, just cold is all," I said.  
She gave me a strange look and motioned for me to sit down so she could do my hair. I looked next to me and saw Louis sitting and watching me.

"it's quite warm in here," Lou said, "how are you cold?"  
"I just am. I think it's quite freezing," I said.  
Lou opened her mouth to respond, but suddenly gasped. I looked her way and noticed she was holding a rather large clump of my hair in her hand.  
"I thought that when this happened last time it was a one time thing. Obviously not, so explain now," Lou said, with a very stern, but maternal, tone.  
"I, um, I. Louis?" I stuttered.  
Lou looked at Louis, waiting for an explanation, as she continued working with my thin hair.  
"Can I tell her Haz?" He asked.  
"I guess she's going to have to know eventually," I sighed, "go ahead Louis."  
"Okay," Louis said, "Lou do you remember when you suggested that Harry might have anorexia?"  
"Yes I do," she said.  
"Well, Harry went to the hospital yesterday because he passed out while on the treadmill-"  
"Why was I not told about that?"  
"We didn't tell anyone about it," I said.  
"Well you're going to have to eventually," Lou said, "anyway continue."  
"While at the hospital the doctor told us some very important information about Harry's health. I won't go into detail right now, but basically the doctor diagnosed Harry with Anorexia Nervosa," Louis told her.  
It was silent for a moment, but then.  
"What. What did you just say?"  
"I was diagnosed with Anorexia Lou," I said.  
"Oh Harry," Lou choked, "I honestly knew you had it, but that doesn't mean it's not shocking to hear it. What's your treatment plan?"  
"3 meals a day, 2 snacks, and only 30 minutes of exercise provided he eats those meals," Louis said, "once a week weigh ins and vitals at the doctor. If he loses any more weight he has to be admitted to the hospital. Oh, and if he refuses to eat he has to drink an ensure."  
"And has he been following those instructions?" She asked.  
"Um, he ate dinner last night although he did throw up. He didn't do that purposely, but it still happened. As for this morning he took two bites, if they even qualify as bites since they were so small, of egg with cheese. Then he drank an ensure," Louis said.  
"It wasn't a whole ensure though, right?" I asked.  
"No. I left an ounce or two in the bottle since you ate a tiny bit of egg."  
"Good," I sighed.  
"Well, I'm glad he at least has something in his stomach right now," Lou smiled, "he didn't throw up the ensure, did he?"  
"I'm not sure," Louis frowned, "did you throw up the ensure when you were in the bathroom, Haz?"  
"No I didn't," I mumbled, "but I wish I had."  
"You poor thing," Lou frowned, giving me a hug.  
"Boys it's time for the interview," Paul said and I gave Lou one last smile before following the boys out of the room and onto the stage.  
We sat on the couch and the interviewer, Tony, smiled at us. He welcomed us to the interview and began firing away questions. Most of the questions were ones we had heard before. What was it like on our previous tour? Did we have any more coming up? Were wecurrently working on a new album? We answered every question and then Tony asked a question that left me frozen in shock.  
"So Harry, we've seen a lot of photos of you're, obviously dramatic, weight loss on twitter as well as many other places. A lot of fans have been posting about you battling Anorexia. Would you care to put an end to or confirm the rumors?"


	19. Chapter 19

Louis' POV  
Harry froze next to me and I placed a hand on his thigh to keep him from bolting. I looked at Tony, who was waiting impatiently for an answer, with anger in my eyes. He was obviously just as curious about the answer as our fans were, but I didn't give a shit. Harry was struggling with the anorexia so much and now this idiot decides to ask if he wants to tell the world about it. He doesn't even want to tell Paul or Simon.  
"Well?" Tony asked, trying to get us to answer.  
Harry looked at my, his eyes asking what he should say. I gave him a look, asking if I could answer. He tensed slightly, but then calmed down and nodded for me to go ahead. I know, I explain things for Harry a lot, but this is hard for him and I just want to help in any way I can. Don't judge. "As you can probably tell," I began, "Harry has obviously lost weight. However, I don't believe it is necessary to say he has an eating disorder just because he goes on a diet to try and stay in shape."  
"But wouldn't you say he has taken it to the extreme?" Tony pressed. Damn this guy was pissing me off.  
"I don't see how that's any of your business," I sneered, but he didn't back down.  
"I'm just trying to get the facts for your fans," he said, "and, seeing Mr. Styles in front of me, I'd say the truth is that he looks like a fucked up, ugly ass, skeleton."  
Harry's eyes widened and he jumped up from his seat, tears in his eyes. He immediately ran off the stage and off to who knows where. The audience looked shocked, as did Tony, but the boys and I didn't. We looked furious. Liam put a hand on my hand and I realized I had clenched my fists. I unclenched them, but continued glaring daggers at Tony.  
"Well," Tony laughed, "he really is a girl. Not only does he have anorexia, which is a girls disease, but he cries like one too. Tell me boys, is it Harry's time of the month?"  
My mouth dropped open, "what the fuck is your problem!?"  
"What do you mean?" Tony's eyes were wide, as though he was genuinely unaware of why I was yelling.  
"YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE," I continued, "HOW DARE YOU TREAT HARRY LIKE THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW BADLY HE'S SUFFERING? NO YOU DON'T SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL HIM THAT HE'S A FUCKED UP, UGLY ASS, SKELETON WHEN HE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING I'VE EVER MET. GOSH I WANT TO PUNCH YOU!"  
I stepped forward, my fists clenched, but Zayn and Liam were quick to grab me and pull me away.  
Tony, who was white as a sheet, turned and announced to the cameras, "well,uh, that's all the time we have for today folks. Give it up for One Direction."  
I noticed the cameras being shut off and I quickly bolted in the direction Harry had ran. The other boys were quick to follow, except for Liam who had been stopped by Paul. Let's just say Paul wanted an explanation for my little outburst. I was going to be in serious trouble for cussing later but I don't care. He insulted Harry and that's not okay! I ran into the dressing room, but didn't see Harry. Lou was sitting on a chair and looked at me sympathetically.  
"He's in the bathroom sweety," she said, "he seemed really upset, but he won't let me in. Maybe he'll let you in."  
"Thanks Lou," I said.  
"Of course," she smiled, "and for the record I think you had every right to do what you did."  
I smiled and gave her a nod. I walked over to the bathroom and heard the water running, but I also heard gagging. He's purging his ensure. That stupid interviewer. I really thought he was going to keep it down. I sighed and knocked on the door. I heard a little shuffling, but he didn't open it.  
"I-I'm sorry L-Lou," he mumbled, "b-but I don't want you t-to see me like t-this."  
"Well it's a good thing this isn't Lou," I smirked, "It's your boyfriend."  
"L-Louis," his voice seemed to perk up slightly.  
I heard the door unlock and I stepped inside the bathroom. Harry was back on the floor, after opening the door, and he looked horrible. He had taken his blazer off and his shirt stuck to his sweaty and shaky body. For once the bones didn't scare me. What scared me was how pale his skin was and the look in his eyes. His eyes were full of fear.  
"Harry," I said urgently, "what's wrong, physically?"  
"M-My chest h-hurts and I-I'm seeing s-spots," he mumbled through his, bluish, lips.  
"Harry stay with me okay!" I said, "Don't pass out, please. I'm going to go call an ambulance, don't fight it. You need help. I'll be right back."  
Harry looked at me and let out a low scream.  
"What happened?" I freaked.  
"The p-pain..is...worse," he said, "please...g-get...help. Chest...hurting..."  
"I'm going Harry, just stay with me," I pleaded and let go of his cold sweaty hand as I ran out the room.  
Paul was standing in the room with Liam and he looked mad. He saw me come out of the bathroom and looked at me with disappointment.  
"Is he okay?" Lou asked, obviously worried.  
"Louis we need to talk about what happened e-"  
"Paul we can talk later," I spoke quickly, "someone call 911 I think Harry is dying. He's paler than ever and he's all cold and sweaty and he says his chests hurts really bad and-"  
"Calm down," Liam said, taking out his phone, "it won't help if you panic."  
Lou and Paul ran into the bathroom. Paul emerged a minute later with Harry in his arms and laid him down on the couch. Harry looked even worse. His breath was coming out in short and ragged breaths. Liam was on the phone with 911 and I felt totally helpless. Niall and Zayn were sitting by Harry. Niall was trying to get him to drink some water and Zayn was holding his hand muttering something in his ear. Finally I snapped back to reality. With tears in my eyes I ran next to Harry and, once Zayn had moved away, held his hand tightly.  
"You aren't leaving me. You have to stay. It's going to be okay, I promise," I said, even though I didn't know if that was the truth or not.  
"Lou," Harry whispered, "I...love...y-you."  
And his eyes closed just as his hand went limp.  
"NO!" I screamed, but soon felt strong arms wrap around me.  
I looked up to see Paul pulling me away from Harry as the paramedics entered the room. Before I knew it they had Harry on a stretcher, with oxygen going, and were leaving the room. I sighed at least I knew he was alive...for now. No! I have to think positive. He's alive, he's just having a speed bump.  
"Come on Louis," Paul said and I noticed that everyone one else was waiting at the door, "we have to go to the hospital."

I nodded and ran, yes ran, to the van. The other boys and Paul piled in, Lou was driving in her car, and we left for the hospital.  
"Shouldn't someone call Anne and Robin?" I asked, suddenly.  
"I already did," Paul explained, "you were too busy freaking out."  
"Sorry," I mumbled, "but I'm scared."  
"We all are Lou," Liam frowned, "but we have to stay strong. Freaking out in the middle of a crisis will only hurt the person suffering."  
"You're right, I'm sorry," I said, hanging my head.  
The rest of the ride was quiet and soon we arrived at the hospital. A receptionist told us to wait in the waiting room and that they would call us when they figured out what was going on. We waited for hours. After awhile Anne, Robin, and Gemma arrived. They all looked about as panicked as I felt.  
"Louis," Anne said, tears running down her cheeks, "Paul said you found him. Please tell me what happened."  
"He was in the bathroom purging and he unlocked the door and let me in. I walked in and he was freezing cold to the touch, but covered in sweat. His lips were turning blue and he was shaking like a leaf. He started telling me that his chest was hurting and I told him I was going to call the ambulance. Suddenly he let out a low scream and started breathing really heavily. Paul moved him to the couch and I was holding his hand. He told me he loved me and then he passed out," I explained, tears now running down my cheeks too.  
"My poor baby," Anne cried into Robin's, who had wrapped his arms around her, chest.  
"Is he going to be okay?" Gemma asked.  
"Yes," an unfamiliar voice said, "he is. I'm Dr. Halin."  
We turned and saw a young doctor with green eyes and black hair.  
"Are you all with Mr. Styles?" She asked, a small smile on her face.  
"Yes," Zayn said, "and we aren't leaving even if you think there are too many of us."  
"It's fine if you are all here," she said, "I was just making sure I wasn't informing random strangers about my patient's condition."  
"No you aren't," Anne said, "now please tell me is my son alright and what happened to him?"  
"Mr-"  
"Harry," Gemma corrected, "he prefers Harry."  
"Of course," Dr. Halin said, "Harry is going to be fine. He's very lucky as he could have easily not made it. A lot of people died from what he just went through."  
"And what did he just go through?" Niall asked, and we were all on the edge of our seats.  
"I'm sorry to say that Harry had a heart attack."


	20. Chapter 20

Louis' POV

My jaw dropped open, as did everyone else's, at Dr. Halin's words. Harry had had a heart attack? How's that possible? The people that have heart attacks are overweight people who eat too much bacon, not anorexic people who don't even eat. Or am I wrong? I don't know that much about anorexia. I guess I could be.

"How is that possible?" Niall asked, "I thought people who had heart attacks were people who pigged out on bacon all day."

Against my will I let out a laugh. Everyone turned towards me and I blushed.

"Sorry," I mumbled, "but I had just been thinking the same thing."

"I see," Dr. Halin smiled, "well basically what happened was that his arteries collapsed because they were too weak from starvation. This caused them to, as I said before, collapse and cut off the blood flow. This resulted in a heart attack and I must say he is very lucky to have survived. Very few people suffering from anorexia do."

"So, will he be okay?" I asked, "I just need to hear it again to be sure."

"He should be fine," Dr. Halin said, "but is incredibly weak. He'll have to stay in the hospital, but he will be moved to a different floor, the eating disorder unit. There he will be put on a serious re-feeding program to try and strengthen his heart muscles. If he refuses to eat, or is incapable of keeping food down, we will insert a feeding tube. He is expected to gain 1kg a week. He will be discharged when he is stable, which means once his vitals are continuously over 90 over 45 and his heart rate is over 60. Of course his heart will be monitored and we have to make sure that's okay too, but once that happens he will be free to go."

"That sounds like a wonderful program," Anne smiled slightly.

"What does 'serious re-feeding' mean?" Niall asked.

"It means he will start out on 2500 calories for one week and then will be moved to 3000 calories after that. It may seem like a lot, but it is necessary to make up for all the months of starving," Dr. Halin explained.

"Will he be allowed visitors?" I asked, hopeful she would say yes.

"Of course," she smiled, "there is actually a couch in all of the rooms on the eating disorder unit. If you want you can stay for a few days here and there, but you can visit him everyday. The last thing we want to do is isolate a person when they're in the hospital."

"Good," I smiled, "Anne are you going to be staying at the hospital?"

"Actually now that I know he's going to be okay I'm afraid I have to go home and be at work tomorrow. I wish I could stay, but I can't," Anne said.

"I volunteer for staying with him a couple days then," I said, raising my hand.

"Of course you do mate," Zayn laughed and I blushed looking at Anne's knowing look.

"Anything I should know, Louis?" She asked.

"Um, well, me and Harry are dating," I blushed.

"Finally!" Gemma smiled.

I gave her a look and she laughed, "come on Lou. You two were so obvious. Plus the fact that every time Harry calls home he goes on and on about you."

"That's wonderful news Louis!" Anne gushed and Robin smiled in agreement.

"Did you happen to get his weight?" Liam asked, suddenly.

"Yes," Dr. Halin said, "when he got up to go to the bathroom, much to my displeasure, we took that opportunity to weigh him."

"And?" I asked, "what's the verdict?"

"95 pounds 6 ounces," she frowned.

"What!?" I exclaimed, "but last week he was 102."

"Yes, but did he eat last week?" Dr. Halin asked.

"Only one meal and he wasn't able to keep it down," I looked at the floor.

"Exactly. You'd be surprised how much weight a person can lose when they aren't eating and they are exercising compulsively. By the way, even once he gets home he will only be allowed 30 minutes of light, not strenuous, exercise until he reaches his starting weight of 160. If he is to go to the gym someone has to go with him to make sure he doesn't overdo it. He just had a heart attack and we can't risk him doing anything to put too much strain on it," she said.

"Of course," I said, "I'll go with him. When can we see him?"

"As soon as you'd like," Dr. Halin said, "but I'd prefer if you go in small groups so you don't overwhelm him."

We nodded. Robin, Gemma, and Anne went in first since they had to leave right after. Once they had said their goodbyes and left Lou went in. After Paul, Liam, and Niall went in. Then Zayn. Finally all the boys said goodbye and left. It was finally my turn. I had decided to go last so that I could stay the night as he was soon to be moved to the eating disorder unit. I walked through the hallway and into the emergency room, which he was in waiting to be moved, and pulled the curtain slightly so I could walk into his bed area. It was a very busy night and all of the beds were full so it was very loud, but I was focused on Harry. Harry. He was sitting in his bed twiddling his thumbs. He was once again in the bone revealing hospital gown, but I was used to it by now. Okay, I was still slightly shocked since every time I saw him he was thinner. I coughed slightly and Harry looked up. When he saw my face a smile broke out on his.

"Hey boobear," he smiled.

"Hey love," I said, sitting in a chair and taking his hand in my own, "you sound stronger."

"They've got me pumped up on so much medicine I better seem stronger," Harry laughed, still slightly weak.

"Harry," I said seriously, "did Dr. Halin tell you what happened?"

Harry looked down at the bed and I saw his eyes watering.

"Yeah," he mumbled, "yeah she did."

"And what does that tell you Harry?" I asked.

Harry motioned for me to get into bed with him. Maneuvering around all the wires I gladly climbed in beside him. I wrapped my arms around him as he sobbed into my chest.

"Love it isn't healthy for you to be so worked up," I said, "you've just had a heart attack."

"I'm sorry boobear," he cried, "I just feel so shocked. I never would have thought that Ana would almost kill me. She had me so convinced that she was trying to perfect me, but really she was trying to kill me. I'm so scared Louis."

"Why are you scared baby?" I asked, rubbing circles in his back.

"Because even though I really feel like I need to recover I'm just so scared to eat," he frowned.

"I know you are love," I sighed, "but I'll be here with you every day I can."

"Really?" He sniffled.

"Really," I smiled.

"Harry Styles?" A man in dark blue scrubs asked. He was holding onto a wheelchair.

"Yes sir," Harry mumbled, obviously embarrassed for being caught crying.

"I'm Keith. I'm a nurse in the eating disorder unit and I'm here to take you there," Keith explained.

"Anything to get out of this noise," Harry smiled.

"I know," Keith laughed, "you can barely think in here. And you are?" He gestured towards me.

"Louis Tomlinson," I smiled shaking his hand, "Harry's boyfriend."

"Wonderful. It's so nice to hear that he'll have support while staying with us. Will you be staying the night?"

"Yes," I said, "I'll be with Harry until they drag me out of the hospital."

Keith laughed and began unhooking Harry from numerous machines. He took the IV out and helped Harry into the wheelchair, much to Harry's displeasure. I followed Keith and Harry to the elevator. We went to the fifth floor and Keith slid his card in some machine to open the doors. Once the doors were open I could see a large room which contained a nurses station and lots of doors leading to patients rooms. As I walked with Keith and Harry I could see a room with a long table and chairs and lots of board games. Keith wheeled Harry to room 14 and took him inside. I followed, of course, and watched Keith help a slightly shaky Harry into the bed. The room was medium sized. It had it's own bathroom and a couch was situated under three large windows. It was a pale yellow in color, which was nice compared to the white of the emergency room. I saw Keith hooking Harry up to some machine and my curiosity got the better of me.

"What's that?" I asked.

"That's a heart monitor," Keith explained, "it monitors his heart rate. He'll have to wear this all day and night until he gets off of bed rest. At that point he will only have to wear them at night."

"Wait a minute," Harry's eyes widened, "did you just say bed rest?"

"Yes I did Harry," Keith sighed, "not only are you vitals very low, but you just had a heart attack. It's only right that we keep you on bed rest until your vitals are better."

"That's it, I can't do this," Harry frowned, pushing himself up from the bed.

I walked over to him and gently pushed him back down. He looked at me, not with anger, but with fear. His eyes began to water and he blushed when he realized this. He'd always cried fairly easy, but in such an emotional situation like this he was a wreck. I sat down in a chair that was next to his bed and took his hand in mine.

"I can't do it Lou," he said, "if I stay in bed and eat I'm going to get fat. I at least have to exercise so I don't gain weight."

"Love," I sighed, "you have to gain weight. If you don't you could have another heart attack and I really don't think you would make it if that happened. I promise you aren't going to get fat. You're going to become healthy again. Don't you want to be healthy?"

"Yes," Harry sniffled, "but it's scary Lou."

"I know it is baby, but I know you can do it. I'll be here every step of the way for you," I promised.

"Thank you Louis," he smiled, "I don't know what I would do without you."

"I love you Haz," I said, "just remember that."

"I love you too boobear," Harry said.

"That is so sweet," Keith beamed, "well I have to go, but dinner will be here in an hour. Louis there is a small cafeteria at the end of the hall where you can get food if you plan on eating with Harry. If you need anything, there is a call button on the remote that controls the bed."

"Thank you Keith," I said, watching him nod and leave the room.

I turned to look at Harry. He smiled and sat up in his bed. I leaned towards him and our lips connected. We kept the kiss soft, seeing as his heart rate was being monitored and I didn't want to explain anything to the nurses, but it was wonderful none the less. We had just pulled away when my phone started ringing. I sighed and looked at the caller ID. It was Liam. Bringing the phone to my ear I said a quick, 'hello' before Liam said in a nervous voice,

"Hi Louis. We have a problem."


	21. Chapter 21

Louis' POV

"Hi Louis. We have a problem."

My throat began to feel as though it was constricting. My head hurt and my palms were sweaty. I silently prayed that this didn't have anything to do with Harry, but I got the feeling that it did. Why else would Liam call and sound so nervous?

"What's going on Liam?" I asked, noticing Harry's worried expression.

"Are you alone Lou?" Liam asked, "I don't want Harry to hear any of our conversation. He doesn't need the stress."

"Okay. One sec Liam," I said, turning to Harry, "I have to talk to Liam in the hallway. I'll be back in a moment, alright love?"

"What's this about? What's wrong?" I could see Harry's heart rate speeding up.

"Harry I don't know, but you can't afford the stress," I sighed, "please try to think positive and calm down. I'll see you soon."

"Okay," Harry mumbled, slowing down his breathing.

I walked out of the room and down the hallway. I saw the door leading to the cafeteria and, noticing no one was in there, I went inside. I smiled at the chefs and sat down at a table far away from the door, just in case someone came in. I didn't know what this call was about, but I couldn't afford someone finding out about Harry if they already didn't know.

"Alright Liam, I'm alone. Now what the hell is going on?" I asked, not prepared for the answer.

"Have you checked twitter?" Liam asked.

"Are you joking? Is that what this is about? Some stupid comment made on twitter," gosh I was getting pissed.

"Louis this is serious. Everyone on twitter knew about Harry's heart attack and a story just came on the news. They were talking about Harry's dramatic exit from Tony's talk show and about Harry being brought to the hospital. Apparently Tony was watching when we called the paramedics. He found out what was happening and told the news people everything. Louis they even had pictures of Harry being taken into the hospital, unconscious."

My heart stopped as he told me this. How could that bastard tell everyone about what happened with Harry. That was a personal thing and Tony just decided to let the world know. I swear the next time I see him I'll kill him. No, he doesn't deserve that. I'll lock him in a closet with a tiger and let maul him to pieces, but I won't let it kill him. Then I'll leave him in the closet to suff-

"Louis," Liam's voice cut me off from my thoughts, "you can't kill Tony."

"But why not?" I whined, angrily.

"Simon is already taking care of him. We don't need you going to jail because you decide to beat the crap out of him," Liam explained.

"Fine," I muttered, "what did Simon say he's going to do about the situation?"

"Well," Liam said, "he told me he wanted you to talk to Harry and see if he was ready to confirm all the rumors. If so then he's going to set up an interview with Kelly. You remember Kelly, right? I'm sure you do. She's so much better than Tony. Anyway if he's not ready Simon said we'll just take it one day at a time. He said we don't have to confirm or deny anything yet. He also said to call him once you've talked to Harry."

"Alright Liam," I sighed, "but I really don't want to upset him." I looked at the clock and noticed it was time for dinner.

"It's time for dinner and I don't want him to be too upset to eat. He already has enough problems with food. I don't want to add to it," I continued.

"I know you don't Lou," Liam said, "but Simon says he needs you to call before the nights over. He said it doesn't matter how late, but he needs the call before tomorrow morning so he can figure out where we are going."

"Will do Liam," I frowned, "but I'm not happy about it."

"I'm sorry that you have to do this. I would, but I figure Harry is closer to you," Liam said, "anyway, have fun with Harry."

"Will do," I chuckled, "have fun with Niall."

"How'd you know I was with him?"

"I didn't. It was a lucky guess, eh?" I laughed.

Liam laughed and we muttered our 'goodbyes'. I went over to the counter and ended up getting spaghetti and garlic bread with a pepsi. As I paid for the food and then brought it back to Harry's room I was freaking out. How was I supposed to tell someone who just had a heart attack that the entire world now knew, although it hadn't been confirmed, about his condition. What would that do to him? Would it stress him out so much he had another one? Dr. Halin had told us there was pretty much no chance of Harry surviving another heart attack like the one he had just had. What was I going to do?

"Hey Lou, how'd the call go?" I suddenly became aware the I was back in Harry's room.

Harry was sitting up in bed with his tray on a small table right next to him. Keith sat on the couch, looking slightly grumpy.

"It went okay, but there's something we need to talk about," I said, putting my food on another small table and sitting down in a my chair, next to his bed.

"Okay," Harry smiled, "oh, and I waited for you."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"I waited for you. I didn't want to eat anything until you came back. Keith wasn't to happy about it," Harry laughed.

"As long as you eat now," Keith sighed, getting up, "since you're back, Louis, I can leave. Just make sure you're with him to watch him eat and an hour after to make sure he doesn't purge."

"Yes sir!" I saluted as Keith left the room.

Turning to Harry, who was slowly putting a small forkful of rice in his mouth, I sighed. I suppose I had to tell him, but that didn't mean I liked it.

"So what is it we needed to talk about?" Harry asked, taking another bite of rice.

"Good job on eating love," I smiled slightly, "just remember you aren't going to get fat. You're going to get healthy and strong once again."

"That's what I keep telling myself," Harry said, "but back to the matter at hand, what was it we needed to talk about?"

"Harry you have to promise me you aren't going to panic," I said, "you can't afford to put too much stress on your heart so please promise me you'll stay in bed and not freak out."

"Everyone knows, don't they?" Harry mumbled, putting his fork down. Great I knew this was going to happen.

"Yeah, they do," I frowned, "but we haven't confirmed it. We would never do that without your permission. The world only knows what Tony told them and what the pictures the paps got of you being taken into the hospital show. They don't know if anything is certain."

"Tony told them?!" Harry asked, a little louder than before.

"Yes love, but we aren't allowed to do anything about it. Trust me I was ready to kill him too, but Simon is taking care of him," I told him.

"Alright," Harry calmed down, "go ahead and confirm it."

I was shocked, "what did you say?"

"I said to go ahead and confirm it," Harry said, "I mean, it's not like it's not true. Plus I feel that I'm going to be in the hospital and our fans shouldn't be fed lies. They should know the truth. Why are you looking at me like that?"

I laughed because I had been looking at him in awe, "you truly are amazing Harry Edward Styles."

"How so?" Harry laughed.

"Any other person would have taken forever to decide, but not you. You decide, because of the fans, to let the world know one of your darkest secrets," I smiled.

"It really is a no brainer," he mumbled, "the fans deserve to know the truth. There is one thing though."

"What is it?"

"I don't want them to know about the cutting," Harry said.

"Of course not," I agreed, "if you aren't ready then they don't have to know. We do, however need to discuss what we are going to do about that."

"Are you sure we have to do something about it?" He whined, "Can't I just keep doing it?"

"Harry I'm positive you know the answer to that," I frowned.

"Yeah, I do."

"Okay," I said, "I think what we need to do is take all of your blades and throw them away. Also you aren't allowed to spend more than five minutes in the bathroom, unless you are showering, that will help to make sure you aren't purging also. Finally I want to check your body, you can stay in your boxers, every night to make sure you have no fresh cuts."

"Aren't you being a little tough?" Harry asked.

"No Harry," I sighed, "I have to make sure you're okay. I feel responsible for you because I love you. If there is something I can do to make sure you aren't hurting yourself I'm going to do it!"

I looked at Harry, who's eyes were glistening. I began to panic thinking I had freaked him out. What had I said? Did he think I was smothering him? Oh my gosh I can't believe I did that. What if he hates me? I didn't mean to smother him I was just trying to show him how much I care. Finally I saw Harry's mouth open. Here it comes.

"Thank you so much boobear," Harry smiled, "I love you so much."

I sighed in relief, "I love you to Haz."

"I'm tired," Harry sighed, eyes closing on him already.

"Well then go to sleep, love," I laughed.

"Come lay with me," he said, scooting over slightly.

I laughed and took the empty tray from him, which he had placed in his lap during the conversation to start eating again. I was so proud that he had managed to eat a whole meal. I just hoped he would be able to continue this once he saw that he was gaining weight. I slid in next to him and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. After awhile I could hear his breathing even and I knew he was asleep. Reluctantly I got up carefully, making sure he didn't wake, and walked into the hallway. Grabbing my cellphone I pulled it out and dialed the number.

"Simon Cowell speaking."


	22. Chapter 22

Harry's POV

I woke up and realized two things. One I really needed to go to the bathroom and two Louis wasn't next to me. I looked over at the couch and saw Louis laying down, playing on his phone. I unhooked myself from the heart monitor, which I was allowed to do in order to go the bathroom, and Louis glanced up at me.

"What are you doing Haz?"

"I have to go to the bathroom," I said.

Louis nodded and I got up, shakily, to go to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me I sat down on the toilet. I could hear Louis talking to someone. I wasn't sure who, but I was slightly preoccupied right now. Let's just say being constipated sucks, but I'm sure you already knew that. I must have been in there for 10 minutes when I heard a knock on the door.

"Harry," a voice said, "I'm Jenny. I'm going to be your nurse today. Is everything okay?"

"I, um, can't seem to go to the bathroom," I blushed, glad she couldn't see.

"Okay," she said, "how about I go get you something to help with your constipation. Until then come back and lay down. You don't have to hook yourself back up to the heart monitor yet."

"Thanks," I said. I got up and, after taking a quick whiz and washing my hands, went back to my bed.

"Louis?" I asked, after sitting down.

"Yes love?"

"Erm, I have a kind of weird question," I mumbled.

Louis just laughed, "you want to know why you're constipated, huh?"

"Yes," I looked down at my hands.

"It's another symptom of the anorexia," he told me.

"Oh," I muttered, "this sucks!"

Just then Jenny came back in holding a tray of food, bleh, and a clear cup with several pills. She set the tray on one of the bedside tables. Louis excused himself to go and get breakfast for himself. Jenny and I waited in silence until Louis returned with a paper plate with eggs and bacon on it and a cup of tea. Once he sat down I looked at Jenny and told her I was ready to eat now.

"Alright," Jenny smiled, "here's your breakfast. And these are your pills. This one is a multi-vitamin. This one is a calcium supplement, this is a zinc supplement, and this one is an anti depressant. And, of course, this one will help you use the bathroom. It takes a couple hours to work."

"Thank you," I said, swallowing the pills, "but I'm not depressed."

"Harry," Louis said, "you've been cutting for months. I would say you'd have to be depressed to cut as much as you have been."

"I guess you're right," I sighed.

"Well, I'll leave you two alone," Jenny smiled, going back to the nurses station.

"So," I said, picking at my oatmeal, "did you call Simon last night?"

"Yeah," Louis sighed, "I did. He arranged an interview for us tomorrow at noon."

"Us?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes, the hospital agreed to let you out for a few hours," Louis explained, "but you have to stop and eat lunch with us somewhere."

"In public?"

"Yes."

"Where people can see how much of a pig I am?" I asked.

"Harry Edward Styles you are not a pig. You are an anorexic who is attempting to recover and if anyone calls you a pig for that I swear I will beat the absolute shit out of them," Louis frowned.

I just smiled and gave him a soft peck on the lips which quickly became something a little more passionate. Let's just say Jenny had to come in to see why my heart rate was so high. After we got caught in out little make out session Louis reminded me I had to eat my breakfast. I just sighed and took a bite.

***The Next Day***

"It's cold!" I exclaimed.

"Harry, you're always cold," Niall laughed.

"That's because it's almost December," I muttered.

"No," Liam countered, "it's because you have no fat on you."

"Well," I frowned, "I'd like to keep it that way."

"Harry," Zayn sighed, "everyone needs some fat in order to survive."

"Hmph," I stuck my tongue out at the group, just as Paul walked in.

"Show time boys," Paul smiled.

We walked on stage and Kelly smiled and greeted us. Sitting down on the couch next to Louis I began shaking for a completely different reason than the cold. Kelly began the show and I could hear the boys talking and laughing about something stupid Niall said. Of course soon it had to turn serious. Kelly turned to me her expression serious, but curious.

"So Harry," she began, "yesterday you were rushed to the hospital. We had a source tell us it was because you suffered a heart attack, due to your anorexia, neither of which have been confirmed. Would you care to confirm or deny these rumors?"

"Yes I would," I said, "I, um, one moment..."

I took a few deep breaths and Louis grabbed my hand, squeezing it for support. I was so nervous. How would the world take it? I mean, I guess they already knew, but how would they take it when they found out it was the truth? Would they hate me? What if the fans thought I was just doing it for attention? Suddenly, I felt something nudge me in the ribs and I looked up to see Louis' eyes telling me to go on.

"I would like to confirm the rumors," I sighed, "well, I suppose I wouldn't really like to confirm them, but I'm going to anyway."

Kelly looked shocked, obviously she had not expected this.

"Well, um, I must say you look pretty good for a person who just had a heart attack," she composed herself.

"Thank you," I smiled, "I suppose I have been very blessed. The odds were against me, but here I am."

"And I'm sure everyone would agree with me when I say it's wonderful that you're still here," Kelly said, "I have to ask, though, are you confirming the rumors that the reason you had a heart attack is because you are suffering from anorexia?"

"Um, yes that's true also," I looked down at the ground.

"And how are you all dealing with this?" She asked.

"Well," Louis spoke up, "I think we are just trying to encourage Harry. It's not about us, it's about him. I would do anything for him and I'm just glad he's finally letting us help."

"And are you currently staying in the hospital?" Kelly asked.

"Yes," I answered, "I'm staying until my vitals are stable and my heart is stronger, but I was released for a few hours to do this interview."

"Well, I'm sure we all wish you an easy and quick recovery," Kelly smiled, "thank you for being with us today. Bye guys."

We all said our goodbyes and left the stage. We dressed quickly and soon we were on our way to Nandos. Once we got there we were seated and ordered our food. When our food arrived I was so nervous, but I grabbed my fork and took the biggest bite of food I've taken in months. That made me feel that maybe, just maybe, there was hope.

THE END

Hope you liked my story. I had a wonderful time writing it so I hope you enjoyed. Bye jellybeans.


	23. Epilogue

6 Months Later

Harry's POV

"Harry dinners ready," Louis called from the kitchen, why I let him cook I don't know.

"I'll be there in a few minutes Lou," I called back, still checking my reflection in the mirror.

I was 20 pounds from my goal weight and it just kept getting harder. I could see pockets of fat collecting on my stomach and my arms were no better, but I had to push those thoughts back because I know that I don't see what everyone else sees. I see fat when everyone else sees someone who is still on the thin side, but looks healthier everyday.

"Harry if you don't come here right now you won't get any dessert and I don't mean chocolate if you get where I'm going."

That of course caught my attention. I slipped my shirt over my head and headed into the kitchen to eat with my amazing boyfriend. Over the last months a lot has changed. I've only cut once and I know that the anti depressant as well as the counseling has a lot to do with that and, of course, so does having Louis. Also I've only skipped a couple meals here and there. I think that when you have a heart attack you realize that there are more important things than what you want. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you and in this case that meant eating, not cutting, and being careful how much I exercise.

"What are we having?" I asked, slightly apprehensive about the fact that Louis made the meal.

"Macaroni and cheese and some salad," Louis smiled.

I relaxed visibly and Louis stuck his tongue out at me in fake offence at my nervousness about his cooking. We sat down at the table and I put some salad on me plate. I poured some dressing on it and then grabbed some macaroni and cheese. A couple weeks ago the doctor had finally decided that I was well enough that I could choose my portion sizes without eating too little. It's been wonderful to have that freedom. Louis smiled and nodded in approval at my plate. It still made me slightly nervous that I was eating so much, but I just have to remember I'm not getting fat even if that's what I see. I'm getting healthy.

"What were you doing in the bathroom?" Louis asked, looking nervous, "you were in there for awhile."

I suppose Louis had a good reason to be nervous. I had been given my razor back last week as a test run to see if I could go without cutting. I was supposed to give it back to Louis whenever I felt the urge to cut. I could see why Louis would assume I was in the bathroom cutting since the last time I was given my razor back, two months ago, I ended up cutting that same night.

"Just checking my reflection," I mumbled.

Louis' eyes softened, "oh Haz. You know it's okay to do that for a minute or two, but you shouldn't torture yourself."

"I know," I sighed, "it's just hard. Do you promise I'm not fat?"

"Harry I can assure you, you are not fat," Louis said, "you are just beginning to look healthy again."

"Thanks Louis," I smiled slightly.

Louis and I finished our dinner and then did the dishes together. Afterwards we put in The Titanic and cuddled together under a blanket. I still had to be watched an hour after meals, since I was still struggling with wanting to purge but I didn't mind. An hour with Louis goes by so fast. Before I knew it Louis was asleep. I smiled and snuggled closer to him. I may not be completely recovered yet, but I was doing so much better than I was six months ago and right now...that's enough.


End file.
